Son: … But are they really bad guys, or just guys gone wrong?
Father: Some of these men have committed gruesome killings.
Son: Wow.
Father: It is why I can never be on one of those juries, since I was part of an attempted murder case. I was the killee, not the killer…
–78th & Madison
Overheard by: nyc8675309
Dad: You look pale.
Punk girl: Dad, I’m not a drug addict. Jesus, half of my friends are straight-edge and the other half have asthma.
–6th St & Ave A
Teen: I’m gonna run for sturgeon general one day.
Father: A sturgeon is a fish. It’s Surgeon General, and you can’t run for it, the president appoints you.
Teen: Then I’ll make him appoint me.
Father: You also have to be a doctor, and in the military… And we know you’re not smart enough to be a doctor.
Teen: [Puzzled, offended.]Father: You could run for Secretary of Defense, though, and you don’t really have to be that smart to do that.
Teen, excitedly: Cool, I like guns!
–A train
Overheard by: Sean
Boy: I was trying to tackle him, I just couldn’t get my– I just couldn’t get my hands around him. I just couldn’t squeeze his legs together… just couldn’t… I just couldn’t get my hands around. Oh! And there’s this kid, and we call him ‘Transfatty‘ because you don’t know whether he’s a boy or a girl, and he’s like, a fat kid and that’s why we made up this nickname for him — Transfatty!
Soccer dad: You don’t really call him that, do you?
–Elevator, 92nd & 3rd
Six-year-old boy: Look, Daddy — another Picasso!
Father: No, it isn’t. You know better than that.
–Modern Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Jim W.
Dad: … Should have hit him — you don’t just let someone just step on your hand like that…
Four-year-old: Da-aaad! It was an accident.
–Heckscher Playground
Overheard by: Clarity Burntime
Dad: … And how do you know when we’re in the Village, sweetie?
Tween girl: Hipsters?
Dad: Uh, no, I was talking about that sign [points to ‘Welcome to Greenwich’ sign].
Tween girl: Oh.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Son: I was so angry with him — he could have got me arrested!
Hippie dad: What’s wrong with getting arrested? [Sighs. Then, to himself] I just can’t stand my son being so fucking bourgeois any longer.
–West Village
20-something chick: Dad, isn’t this bracelet cute?! It was made just for you! Look, it says ‘Dada’ on it.
Dad: [Silent.]20-something chick: I mean, we have to get one for you — they totally made these for Dads!
Dad: Um, ‘Dada’ was the name of a surrealist movement.
20-something chick: Oh, that they, like, named after dads?
–MoMa Design Store, Midtown
Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht
Son: Today someone in class called me a ‘Jew.’
Drunk dad: Did you tell them your dad’s Presbyterian and your mom’s a bitch?
–42nd & 8th
