Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!
–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Guy #1: Dude, I think I’m finally starting to sober up.
Guy #2: How can you tell?
Guy #1: Because all of a sudden I can do square roots in my head again.
–Dorm elevator, Columbia University
Overheard by: Jessica
Suit #1: Life preservers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flotation device out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a water safety class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bottoms — so they can take their pants off without taking off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-resistant ones are best.
–Elevator, 61 Broadway
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl: You have to try this pasta I bought. It’s the best dry pasta you’ve ever tasted.
Boy: Best? I’ll try it, but I should warn you — I’m Italian.
Girl: Ugh, Italian people are always saying that!
–Elevator, NYU, Water St
Overheard by: Abram
Guy #1: … Wop.
Girl: You know, ‘wop’ means ‘Polish.’
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t. It means ‘White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.’
–Elevator, 630 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Ann
Friend #1: Health insurance, workman’s comp, and bacon — you can’t get much better than that.
Friend #2: I know.
–Elevator, Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Bimbette: Like, the Eskimos get drunk and kill each other for fun.
Eskimo chick: Not my family. We garden.
–Elevator, School of Visual Arts
Passenger #1: Boy, this elevator is slow! It’s worse than in the projects!
Passenger #2: Yeah, but there’s less urine here.
Passenger #3: Less throw up, too.
–Elevator, office building, Midtown
Trendy girl: Yeah, well, it’s cheaper to steal cars in the US than to import them.
Fellow employee: Yeah, so he steals these cars and takes them way the hell out to the middle of nowhere… Like, Brooklyn…
–Office elevator, Park Ave South
Overheard by: way too much time on my hands
Woman: I said, ‘You know — percussion,’ and she said, ‘What’s that? Like, horns?’
Man: Wow. And she’s the assistant for Stewart Copeland?
–Elevator, Union Square
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
