Chick #1: If I have sex with you, will you shut up?
Guy: Maybe.
Chick #2: Find an alley and do it, because I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.
–F train, Queens
Chick #1: If I have sex with you, will you shut up?
Guy: Maybe.
Chick #2: Find an alley and do it, because I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.
–F train, Queens
Man: So, how was Missouri?
Woman: I was in Vermont.
Man: How was Vermont?
Woman: It was okay.
Man: Was it?
–1166 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl #1: Oh my god, John! You have to join our theater company that we’re starting.
Girl #2: It’s called ‘Four Bitches and a Toke.’
Girl #3: You’re the toke.
Queer: Wait, wait… I’m the toke? I’m a bigger bitch than all four of you.
Girl #4: But you don’t have a vagina!
Queer: Ohhh, trust me — you do not have to have a vagina to be a bitch.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Todd B
Girl: Yeah, the room in the apartment is only four hundred bucks a month.
Guy: No way! No place in the city is only four hundred a month. You probably have to shit in the bathtub.
–Bainbridge & Malcolm X, Brooklyn
20-ish guy: You could transfer to the two, to the four, to the D…
20-ish girl: I could… I could also stick a glass dildo in my eye, but I don’t want to do that, either.
–Rush hour, 1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Lulu
Trendy college guy, about girl #1: We had really good sex last night.
Girl #2: That’s nice. Did you have really good sex this morning, too?
Girl #1: No way — his apartment was way too hot.
Girl #2: You could’ve did it in the shower…
Girl #1: Oh, yeah, we didn’t think of that… Oh, well, I’m over it.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Janice
Woman in sweats: I liked playing Scrabble with her… She killed her daughter with a hammer and a shovel.
Man in sweats: Yeah?
Woman in sweats: Well, she beat her first with the hammer and then the shovel.
Man in sweats: Huh.
–5th Ave & Prospect Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: dusdin
Guy: Well, maybe you could touch his hair — just a little bit.
Girl, after pause: Do you think that would work?
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: Scarfish
Blonde: I just had the meanest thought in the whole world.
Guy: I doubt it.
Brunette: Tell us what it was, and then we’ll judge.
Blonde: Okay, well, I hope that Tim and Tom don’t realize we have a Spanish test tomorrow, because I always study way more than them and they still score, like, 20 points higher than me.
Brunette: Oh, that’s not mean. There are way meaner thoughts, like I hope Tim and Tom catch rickets so they’re too sick to take the test.
Guy: Yeah, or like let’s force all the Jews out of Germany and burn them in an oven.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Man: Have you heard from Jim recently?
Woman with heavy Russian accent: Yes. He says he’s not having much sex.
–Hard Rock Café
Overheard by: Just trying to get to Bubba Gump’s
