Woman on cell: Slowly… over the next week… add a fruit.

Barnes & Noble
St. Louis, Missouri

Supervisor to trainee: Don't be afraid of the tomatoes.

Rockville, Maryland

Girl, smelling another girl's hair: You're right! It does smell like a sweaty peach.


Chick #1, when friend drops her orange: I hope that’s bruised now.
Chick #2: Bananas don’t bruise!
Chick #1: … That’s an orange!

Steve Miller: “Same Here.”

Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.

Produce Market
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber

Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.

Mt. Vernon, New York

Overheard by: Deek

Girl: Didn't I lick maple syrup off you once?
Guy: I thought I licked maple syrup off you.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Wait, no. It was honey.
Girl: Oh, yeah. Honey.

Norfolk, Virginia

Overheard by: Olivia

Female student #1: You sure you want me to feed you this banana?
Female student #2: Get on with it, will you?
Female student #1: This thing's pretty big. I wouldn't want to choke you.
Female student #2: Don't worry about it. I've had much bigger.
Youngish professor: (raises eyebrows)
Female student #2: You think I'm kidding? I've had some pretty big ones. Think you can give me a bigger one?
Youngish professor (blushing): Um, possibly.
Female student #2: Well, I'd like to see that.
Female student #3: Um, are we still talking about bananas here?

UCSC, California

20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.

NJ Transit
New Jersey

Girl to friends: Did he use a condom? No, never mind, you don’t use a condom when you’re fucking grapefruit.