It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Forever to Be Known As the Inventor Of the Banana Schweppes

Guy: Awww, man, did you hear? Billy's in the hospital!
Girl: Oh no! What happened?
Guy: He only ate bananas and pop for like two weeks straight.
Girl: Shit, that sucks. Poor Billy!

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Posted on January 2, 2015
Diet/Weight, Drinks, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Williamsburg

Further Knowledge Is Now Unwelcome

Girl #1: Did you know that if you lick the wrapper of Big Red it'll stick to your forehead?
Girl #2: I learned about pineapple yesterday.

–Theater

Posted on December 18, 2014
Body Parts, Drinks, Fruit, Girls, Questions, Theater

Wednesday One-Liners Prevent Scurvy

16-year-old girl to girlfriend, with contempt: Are you eating a banana? You’re just like my mother!

–AIDS walk, Central Park

Man to female coworker: No, my head really looks more like a grapefruit than a peanut.

–1250 Broadway

From the flight deck before takeoff: I’m only gonna say this once: You have to turn off your laptop, iPod, Game Boy, CD player, BlackBerry, blueberry, strawberry, cherry, and Halle Berry — yes, you have to turn her off, too! You have to turn off anything that isn’t keeping you alive.

–JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: B.G.

Teen boy to friend: Did you know that in California it’s illegal to peel an orange in a hotel room?

–34th & 6th

Hipster girl: I have an apple and some Prozac.

–19th & 6th

Hot chick: My boyfriend actually just said to me, ‘I think you should learn how to shoot grapes out of your pussy!’ Then he made space-gun noises.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Argopelter

Posted on November 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Fruit, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

No Difference to a Lonely Hawaiian

Girl #1: I find it tart, too. Also kind of musky and a little sweet.
Girl #2: Mmm. Wait! Are you talking about pineapple or pussy?

–Washington Heights

Headline by: Jay B

Runners-Up:
· “A little bit of everything goes into an Orange Julius” – Mike
· “A normal conversation between two airport drug smugglers” – Scott
· “And Why is This Tasting Room So Crowded?” – Greg Costello
· “Can it be both?” – saltwater
· “Pussy! But not yours. Yours is nasty.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Pussy.” – Ray
· “That’s why the Hawaiian word for pineapple is “poon”” – marcusj
· “The One with the Hole in the Middle” – DanC

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 3, 2014
Friends, Fruit, Headline Contest Winners, Vagina, Washington Heights and Inwood

See, We’re Not So Unlike the Midwest in NY!

Woman: That’s where I got that crappy muffin. I can’t believe they serve muffins with no sugar. The only source of sucrose was in the blueberry. And there was only one blueberry!

–21st & 5th

Overheard by: TG

Posted on January 6, 2014
Fruit, Gripes, Junk Food & Fast Food, Murray Hill and Gramercy

I've Seen You Handle a Banana

Teenage girl #1: What are you doing this summer? Want to have an adventure?
Teenage girl #2: Such as?
Teenage girl #1: Teaching monkeys in Africa how to eat bananas.
Teenage girl #2: I think you can handle that one yourself.
Teenage girl #1: Why are you so mean?

–Central Park