Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth…

San Luis Obispo, California

Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.

Washington, DC

Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.


Hobo to hipster: Is a BlackBerry a cell phone?
Hipster: Yeah, but I don't have one.
Hobo: I like blackberry pie!

Los Angeles, California

Father to four-year-old: Stop spanking the eggplant!

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Kay

New Yorker: Yo, gimme $30 on pump #2, a pack of Newports…and this banana.

Pembroke Pines, Florida

Overheard by: Inspectaneck

(kids looking at strawberry flavored condoms)
Kid #1: Strawberries!
Kid #2: No, they're strawberry balloons.
Kid #3 (shocked): No, they're condoms!
All 3 kids: Arrghhh.


Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn’t that a nut?

Macy’s at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York

Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!

Waterloo, Iowa

Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D… D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.

Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: John Y