Hipster chick: I saw a picture of Susie’s* fiancé.
Queer: Oh?
Hipster chick: Yeah. His face is really long. And demonic.
Queer: It’s interesting how you put it in that order.
Hipster chick: Well, that’s the order you think of it when you see him. It’s like, ‘Gee, his face sure is long. I wonder why? Oh, I see, it’s to hold all that evil.’
–6 train
Overheard by: Charlie
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
–Prince St
Overheard by: Kristen W.
Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.
–British Airways Flight to Heathrow
Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.
–4 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Christine
Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.
–Intermission, Rent
Hipster chick: So you’re saying don’t hate avocados?
Hipster guy: No, no. I don’t hate the avocados just for being avocados. I would never smash an avocado. I just want them to make up their minds. They need to decide.
Hipster chick: Good to know.
–San Loco, 2nd Ave
Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: "Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!" But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s totally out of control.
–Barnard College
Man: The Tudors is like Law & Order for British actors. If you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s always that.
–Cort Theater
Overheard by: office peon
Young man to friend: It’s called Tudor Place. Hey, you know that show on showtime, The Tudors? Maybe it’s that family and they moved over here. Because the buildings do look old.
–Bryant Park
Hipster: I watched Lost one time. I watched Lost one time! A big monsoon was coming and some dude closed a door on it. Closed a door on the monsoon! I was like: "Fuck this, I’m done."
–Outside an Irish Pub, 54th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: jon
Soccer mom: Charles in Charge was a consistently good show.
–51st St & 8th Ave
Stoned hipster girl #1: Have you looked at your chest recently?
Stoned hipster girl #2: Have you looked at your tortilla? It looks like you smeared it with shit.
–93rd & Broadway
Hipster #1: Oh look, a Boston Terrier!
Hipster #2: Boston Terriers are so last year…
–Bedford, Williamsburg
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Little punk rock guy to tall hipster guy, sarcastically: Nice beard.
Tall hipster guy: Yeah, you want me to smash your face!
Little punk rock guy: Shit nigga, now I wish I had a beard to absorb that shit.
–Union Pool Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: lil pirate
Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.
–Central Park
Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!
–Williamsburg
Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!
–10th St & Broadway
Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.
–Brooklyn
Drunk hipster #1: Yeah…snort cum.
Drunk hipster #2: How could I snort cum? It’s impossible!
Drunk hipster #1: Nothing is impossible.
Drunk hipster #2: But it’s so sticky. I really don’t think that’s possible…unless maybe it was in powder form.
Drunk hipster #1: Wow! We’re those guys on the train everyone wants to shut up.
–C train
