Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.

–11th & 2nd

Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.

–Post office, Park Slope

Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…

–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square

Overheard by: Carol

Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Posted on May 9, 2022
Backdoor, Brooklyn, Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Manhattan, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Union Square and East Village

$50 Says Mo Would Take That Scarecrow Out

Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”

–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A

Posted on May 4, 2022
About Celebrities, Fashion, Hipsters, Manhattan, Politics, Pop Culture, Sports, Union Square and East Village, Violence

Takes Years to Learn There Is No Real World

Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Living a fantasy

Posted on April 21, 2022
Columbia University, Dating, Hipsters, Stupidity

Will Wednesday One-liners Ever Find True Love?

Hipster girl: Oh, I’m not saying love doesn’t exist…just that I’m not going to ever have any, so why shouldn’t I just settle for money and sex?

–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street

Overheard by: Keith

Posted on March 22, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bowery Ballroom, Girls, Hipsters, Love, Money & Class, Sex, Time

Well, What Do I Know about Foreign Capitals?

Hipster boy: That’s why they call this the windy city?
Hipster girl: This isn’t the windy city — that’s Seattle!

–PATH train, E 9th St

Overheard by: POOP!

Posted on March 11, 2022
Hipsters, Nicknames & name calling, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography

I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

–Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.

–14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

–10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery

Posted on March 6, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hipsters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Relationships, The Met, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Natalie Portman: Too Late!

Young hipster: Dude, and then she told me that it was her purpose in life to make the movie Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!
Bearded hipster: Yeah, that would be epically sound!

–49th St

Posted on February 26, 2022
Film, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Posted on January 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Parks, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Let’s Not Bicker and Argue over Who Tapped Who

Hipster chick #1: Augh! His ass is hairy!
Hipster chick #2: Hahaha, and disgusting! I would never, ever tap that.
Hipster chick #1: You can’t tap that — guys can only tap girls’ asses… Right?
Hipster chick #2: Sure. Probably. Yes. But when you hang out with a gay guy all day long, things like that get a bit hazy.

–Starbucks

Posted on January 17, 2022
Ass, Backdoor, Hipsters, Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway