Hipster girl: You know it’s just so sad that I will never be able to see the world through anything but the eyes of a dancer. Because that’s what I am, a dancer. I mean, I will never be able to experience the world through the eyes of say an architect or a designer. Oh my God! Don’t you just pine for the 80s when dance was the treasured art form?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rebecca
Hipster: Of course I saw her fuck him–I was watching!
–Grand St, Williamsburg
Guy: I even thought about taking him to the tranny bar, you know, so he could be free.
–Sounds, St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Hipster #1: …I don’t know dude, I wouldn’t fuck her.
Hipster #2: What? Why not? She’s hot!
Hipster #1: I don’t like fucking ’em when they’re taller than me. Feels too much like prison sex.
–F train
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: "Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!"
–4 Train
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
Hipster girl #1: He’s, like, gayer than gay. But that’s cool.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.
Hipster girl #1: I mean, we want him to be gay.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.
–F train
Overheard by: Jenny
Hipster #1: I still can't tell the difference. What's the difference between the cool kids and the black kids?
Hipster #2: Duh. Black kids are black.
–McCarren Pool Party, Brooklyn
Overheard by: bill
Hipster guy: I am always so embittered.
Hipster girl: I know, and I hate it.
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Slammy
20-something hipster boy #1: So, you ever think that the US will stop being the most powerful nation in the world?
20-something hipster boy #2: Well, if not us, then who?
20-something hipster boy #3: They say China will take over eventually.
20-something hipster boy #2: China? What the hell are they gonna do, drop people on us?
–E Train
Overheard by: chinese girl who sat next to them
Hipster chick #1: You know the girl I was telling you about, who didn’t even know what “agnostic” means?
Hipster chick #2: Yeah. That stupid bitch!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: reverie
Headline by: Coyoty
Runners-Up:
· “Blessed Are the Stupid Bitches, for They Shall Infuriate the Self-Righteous” – Cyrious Garnetski
· “I Believe That We Can Never Know If She Is a Stupid Bitch or Not.” – Hysterical Woman
· “I Hope She Burns In… Nothingness” – Meg
· “To Be Precise, She Said There Was No Way to Know What Agnostic Means” – Barry P.
· “Why Nuns Have Few Friends” – seven5suited
