Hobos

Conductor: This train will be going express to 137th Street. The next stop on this train will be 137th Street.
Hobo: 137th Street! And if you don’t like it, buy your own train!

–1 train

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo #1: The scientists are destroying the universe!
Passerby: I totally agree!
Hobo #2: And religions, man! Fucking religions!

–4th & Ave A

Hobo: Do you have a cigarette?
Girl smoking cigarette: This isn’t a cigarette.
Hobo: Oh. [Walks away.]

–Park Row & Beekman

Suit with girlfriend to benched hobo: ‘Scuse me — mind if I borrow one of your cigarettes?
Hobo: Well, all I’ve got are these Winstons…
Suit: Beggars can’t be choosers.
Hobo: Yeah, tell me about it.

–Smith & Dean

Overheard by: sb

Hobo: Miss, do you have a nickel or a dime?
Hot girl: No, I don’t.
Hobo, excitedly: Okay, thanks! Have a great weekend!

–R train

Jewish guy, to young white couple: Excuse me, are you Jewish?
Hobo: Man, do they fucking look Jewish?! Leave them the fuck alone, and get the hell outta here!

–9th & 2nd

Overheard by: 54

Headline by: Michael DeLong

Runners-Up:
· “Go Circumcise Somebody Else!” – John
· “Jesus Returns to Do Some Street Work” – Sim Etrias
· “Let My People Go, Bitch!” – jenna
· “Moses Had Such A Temper” – Dion
· “Sorry, Didn’t Notice He Was Short One Foreskin.” – Sheathed
· “Where Can I Get a Hobo Bodyguard?” – Ashley

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Pointing hobo: Your zipper! Hahaha!
Whitey: It’s a button fly.
Hobo: Goddamn. Second time today…

–Flushing & Portland, Navy Yard, Brooklyn

Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!

–4 train

Guy to girl: I never hooked up when I was blacked out.
Hobo: You never blacked out from liquor?! I’m about to!

–23rd & 2nd

Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.

–6 train station

Overheard by: Annie