Bag lady: Heyyy! Look at the size of that turtle! It’s huuuge!
Hobo: That ain’t no turtle — that’s a trashcan!
–Bowery & Rivington
Bag lady: Heyyy! Look at the size of that turtle! It’s huuuge!
Hobo: That ain’t no turtle — that’s a trashcan!
–Bowery & Rivington
Hobo #1, searching garbage: You know, money is definitely overrated.
Hobo #2: Yeah, that’s true. I mean, it’s something, but it’s not everything. I mean, who needs that shit anyway?
Hobo #1: True. [20 minutes later] Hey, can you spare some change?
–115th & Broadway
Hobo: Spare some change?
Man, offering a take-out bag: Here, take this. It’s cheese fries.
Hobo: Cheese fries? No, no, I can’t eat that.
Man: What?
Hobo: I want a real meal!
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: m.
Hobo: I’m looking for ladies with pretty toes. Holla, holla! So come here, mama. I like them big, fat, juicy toes.
–125th & 3rd
Overheard by: Thank God I’m wearing sneakers
Hobo to young tourists: Can you give me 85 bucks to buy a seafood platter?
–55th St, between 6th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Rose
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen… Well, I’m not gonna lie — I wanna get high mothafuckahs!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Ryan M
Hobo: Sir, can you spare me a hundred dollars for a steak dinner?
–Outside Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse
Hobo: You know, if the pilgrims had killed bobcats instead of turkey, we’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.
–C train
Hobo to MTA worker walking by: How you doing? [MTA worker keeps walking.] Alright! Keep on truckin’! [MTA worker leaves train.] Get the fuck outta here! Okay! That’s all I have to say! [Hobo leaves train.]
–7 train
Hobo: Why did Freddy kill Martin Luther King, Jr.? Because he had a dream!
Suit: It doesn’t get much better than this.
–1 train
Overheard by: okredtrain
Crazy hobo: Give me some money. I lost my hat… I lost my hat!
Old black guy: Yo’ mind is what you lost.
Crazy hobo: I lost that years ago.
–6th Ave & Waverly Pl
Overheard by: matthew
Crazy guy: … And all the companies of the New York Stock Exchange — I own them all… And you invest in them with my peanuts… And Sarah bought all the real estate in New York City with my money — it’s all mine.
Hobo: Bullshit. That squirrel over there sold it to me for an acorn.
Crazy guy: Shut up, bitch, before I throw you off my island!
–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park
Conductor: This train will be going express to 137th Street. The next stop on this train will be 137th Street.
Hobo: 137th Street! And if you don’t like it, buy your own train!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Hobo #1: The scientists are destroying the universe!
Passerby: I totally agree!
Hobo #2: And religions, man! Fucking religions!
–4th & Ave A
Hobo: Do you have a cigarette?
Girl smoking cigarette: This isn’t a cigarette.
Hobo: Oh. [Walks away.]
–Park Row & Beekman
