Hobo: Yo, man, let me get a bite of that!
Guy eating cheesesteak: Naw, man!
Hobo: Dayummmn… Well, you ain’t gotta eat it that fast!
–Lafayette & Broadway
Hobo: Yo, man, let me get a bite of that!
Guy eating cheesesteak: Naw, man!
Hobo: Dayummmn… Well, you ain’t gotta eat it that fast!
–Lafayette & Broadway
Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: arose
30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: JoBell
Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.
–F train
Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix
Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!
–11th & 4th, Park Slope
Overheard by: bemused obama guy
Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!
–Deli, 12th & 6th
Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan
Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!
–31st & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Scarfish
Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.
–Café Mogador, East Village
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.
–NYU
12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.
–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.
–189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
–6 train
Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Last-minute shopper
Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!
–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square
Teacher: Let’s go to hell!
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Geneva
Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: David
Hobo: [Mumbles.]20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.
–17th & 3rd
Hobo, to trees: 56, 60, 61, 20!
Girl: I think he just gave me my lottery numbers!
–Ave A
Overheard by: Katie
Hobo, singing: If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy, baby won’t you tell me so?
Tourist woman: You go, girl!
Hobo: Yo! I’m a guy!
–R train
MTA worker, holding bucket: Hey! Buddy, did you take a shit over there by that machine?
Hobo, laughing: Not yet!
–A/C/E/L station, 14th & 8th
Overheard by: JayBee
20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
–PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.
–JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.
–Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!
–D train
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen — I am hungry. I do not do drugs or drink. I am just in need of some money for food, and–
Woman, sitting down: –Excuse me, your bag is leaking on us!
Hobo, removing burst 40: Oh, fuck!
–F train
