JAP halting mid-stride: Wait a sec… Why are my pants wet?!
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: my boyfriend is a grizzly bear
Headline by: John
Runners-Up:
· “And Who Dropped That Baby?” – trade800
· “Bob the Urinating Hobo Ninja Strikes Again” – Darryl S.
· “Did A Bag Of Money Just Walk By?” – Jolly
· “The Joys Of Unknown Pregnancy Coming Full Term” – The Lazy Canadian
· “This Eventually Happens to Every New Yorker” – Dagre
· “Was Too Busy Shopping to Be Toilet Trained” – G
JAP #1: So, I’m outside smoking a cig, right? And there’s this guy, like, smoking right across the street. O-M-G… He walks across the street, and, like, stands right in front of me and stares!
JAP #2: Was he cute?!
JAP #1: Ewww! His hard-on was sooo gross!
–Whole Foods, 24th & 6th
Ana JAP #1: Do you have fat free ice cream?
Cashier: Uh, no.
Ana JAP #1: What about, like, sorbet?
Cashier: We have sugar-free sorbet.
Ana JAP #2: Can we try it? [Cashier gets three sample spoons.]Ana JAP #3: Oh my god, I can’t do this.
Jap #1: Yeah. Sorry, we’re not going to get anything.
Ana JAP #3: Yeah. Sorry.
Ana JAP #2: That was a moment of weakness!
Ana JAP #1: My god. I know! [To the cashier] Is there an Urban Outfitters around here?
–Ben & Jerry’s, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: How can I walk with this heavy cream on my ass?
JAP: There’s a smelly girl sitting next to me… Why don’t people like taking showers?
Hipster: Maybe she’s organic… We have this lady that’s organic here. I try to stay away from her. And not because she smells… Because I’m a carnivore.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Omnivorist
Old JAP: I wanna sue somebody.
Lawyer: For what?
Old JAP: For a million dollars. I’m fucking tired of working.
–Supreme Court, 89-00 Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica
Overheard by: Big Larry
JAP #1: Well, call me on your phone.
JAP #2: What?!
JAP #1: Call me on your phone?
JAP #2: Oh. I thought you just said something in French or something.
JAP #1: I can’t speak French!
–Washington Square Park
JAP #1: I can’t believe I’m doing this for her. I mean, she doesn’t even like me.
JAP #2: She doesn’t like you? Why?
JAP #1: Because I’m a slut.
JAP #2: Oh, yeah…
–East Village
Overheard by: Miss J
JAP #1: Well, whatever, I’m over him.
JAP #2: I was never under him.
JAP #3: I was.
–Times Square
Overheard by: ella
JAP #1: When I grow up I want to be purple.
JAP #2: What? I’m putting that on Facebook!
JAP #1: Why? I was just talking to myself… Fuck, I was talking to myself.
–82nd & Lex
Hipster girl: Let’s just go to the arcade with them.
JAP: I’d rather make out with Hitler.
–85th & Park
