Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.
–9th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: rpk
Mother: … And then we can go to Barnes and Noble’s and share some books.
Kid: Nooo!
Mother: Books are fun–
Kid, weeping: –No, they’re not!
–E 82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: emily
Whiny four-year-old boy: Daaad! I’m bored!
Dad: We came here to be bored.
–Central Park
Five-year-old girl in a cart: Mama! Mama? Mama?!
Fat lady pushing her: Yo’ mama’s fat ass is right over there by the candies.
–Pathmark, Cherry St
Overheard by: Paula
Little boy: You want me!
Little girl: You wish!
Little boy: You want me. You love me!
Little girl: Quit lyin’ to yo’self!
Little boy: You want me! But you can’t have me… Bitch!
–W 134th & Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd
Overheard by: vegannramember
12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?
–Toys “R” Us
Mom: Grandma was happy to see you. Why did you have to go and kick her legs?
Little boy, shrugging: Sawww-eee.
–45th & Lex
Dad: What are you doing up there?
Six-year-old boy in front of large sign, waving frantically: I’m helping them advertise!
–Outside Redeye Grill
Overheard by: Target Audience
Five-year-old boy: Let’s play Spin the Bottle!
Friend with water bottle: Yeah!
–228 E 23rd St
Little girl: I can climb over fences. Did you know that?
Mom: I don’t want to know that.
–Manhattan School of Music Precollege
Headline by: Sarah Bella
Runners-Up:
· “Dora the Explorer Will Teach Anything” – I’m not racist, I swear.
· “Dr. Spock’s Missing Chapter: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – Barry Negrin
· “Razor wire: You can do it, Home Depot can help” – Sean S
· “You’ve been watching Daddy on COPS again, haven’t you?” – Bryan
· “Your Cage Got Mommy And Daddy Into A Lot Of Trouble” – JAG
