Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See Where Ross and Rachel Did It

Seven-year-old ghetto kid: This is the Earth, yo!

–Earth Science Hall, Museum of Natural History

Dad to seven-year-old son: If you’re gonna steal somethin’, you gotta steal somethin’ you can sell.

–Museum of Natural History gift shop

Overheard by: rufus

Cowboy squinting at museum pamphlet with wife and kids: The Big… Bang? What’s that?

–Museum of Natural History

Child passing the Australopithecus couple: Look, Ma! It’s like you and Dad on your honeymoon!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Dottie

Employee: Welcome to the Hayden Planetarium. Please turn off your cell phones, digital cameras, and small children.

–Museum of Natural History

Mother: Stop screaming! They can’t hear you!

–Museum of Natural History

Posted on May 30, 2007
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Parents, Science, Stupidity, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wait, What Have You Been Doing with It until Now?

Preschool girl: Mom, can we go to that restaurant? I’m so hungry!
Mom: No, we’re almost home.
Preschool girl: But Mom! I’m so hungry I just drank my own spit!

–M86 bus, 86th & York

Overheard by: Cynthia

Posted on May 29, 2007
Gripes, Kids, On the Bus

Like Trying to Stop the Tide, Mom

Eight-year-old black boy: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.
Mom: I told you to stop that!
Eight-year-old black boy, three minutes later: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.

–Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on May 29, 2007
Black People, Boys, Excretions, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Penn Station

Got a Match?

Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.

–9th St, between Ave A & B

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on May 28, 2007
Assholes, Blood & bleeding, Cops, Kids, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village, Weed

Stop Enhancing My Childhood!

Mother: … And then we can go to Barnes and Noble’s and share some books.
Kid: Nooo!
Mother: Books are fun–
Kid, weeping: –No, they’re not!

–E 82nd & 2nd

Overheard by: emily

Posted on May 27, 2007
Books & Writing, Kids, Moms, Upper East Side

I Love My Custodial Weekends

Whiny four-year-old boy: Daaad! I’m bored!
Dad: We came here to be bored.

–Central Park

Posted on May 25, 2007
Central Park, Dads, Gripes, Kids

The Rest of Her Is in Stationery

Five-year-old girl in a cart: Mama! Mama? Mama?!
Fat lady pushing her: Yo’ mama’s fat ass is right over there by the candies.

–Pathmark, Cherry St

Overheard by: Paula

Posted on May 21, 2007
Kids, Lower East Side, Parents

Sometimes You Have to Hate the Playa

Little boy: You want me!
Little girl: You wish!
Little boy: You want me. You love me!
Little girl: Quit lyin’ to yo’self!
Little boy: You want me! But you can’t have me… Bitch!

–W 134th & Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd

Overheard by: vegannramember

Posted on May 21, 2007
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Pick-up Lines, Should've Used a Condom, Talking/Convos

Well, Did You Have a Boo-Boo on Your Anus?

12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?

–Toys “R” Us

Posted on May 20, 2007
Dads, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Questions

Kids