Kids

Wednesday One-Liners Long to Be Thought of As “Sexy”

Girl watching Oscars: Oh my god, I love Scorsese! He’s so cute. I just want to have him in my pocket.

–10th & 5th

Seven-year-old girl on cell: Oh my gosh, Carrie! In Macy’s my mom just bought me the cutest Coach bag and matching scarf!

–34th St

Overheard by: georgia

Teen girl: Dude, whatever… Some bums are really cute!

–10th & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oliver

Latino goth muscle-man to girl: I know, but, like, spiritually? Emotionally? I have the cutest, pinkest little vagina [makes triangle formation with fingers over crotch]… And it’s tight.

–F train

Overheard by: meg

Dean of Students’ Services to third year student: You’d make a cute pregnant woman.

–Columbia Law School

Girl: I think having a cunt is cute!

–15th & 6th

Overheard by: Oh my

We’d All Go Back, but Who Wants Us?

Nanny: You don’t want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think… They think… They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.

–Immigration march, 14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Which Probably Means I’m Your Biological Father after All

Five-year-old boy: Daddy, why is Mommy crying?
Unemotional father: Son, your mother is crying because you are an asshole.

–1 train

New Yorkers Hate Fascists, but They Tolerate Communists

Little boy spinning DVD rack: Die, ugly people! Die! Die, ugly people!
Mom: Stop that!
Little boy: Die, millionaires, die!

–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush, Brooklyn

Little Wednesday One-Liners Have Big Ears

Three-year-old girl on cell, walking with nanny: I will… I will, I will! Hey, don’t give me a hard time!

–54th & Lex

Little Dominican boy: … Because back in the day, people had names like Washington and York and Downtown.

–Social Studies class, PS 8, Brooklyn

Young child: Mommy, can you feel my forehead? I think I have AIDS.

–Prince St

Overheard by: Alaina

Small, weeping boy to mother pushing smaller kid in stroller: No! No! It’s not necessary! Every time I say you hurt my feelings, you say it right back to me! It’s not necessary!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Shrieking four-year-old: French fries! [Angry mother glares straight ahead and keeps on walking, gripping child’s hand.] You know what’s wrong with you? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you. You don’t give me enough French fries!

–Waverly & 6th

Overheard by: Marisa

Little girl to mom: Shit is the same thing as sex, right?

–Garden of Eden, Brooklyn Heights

And Cut Off Your Cookie Pipeline? I Think Not

Mother: Honey, save the cookies for later.
Little girl: You’re so mean! I’m gonna sell you on eBay!

–6 train, 59th St

Overheard by: effie

Could Be — I’ve Been Tired for the Last Three Years

Three-year-old boy: You are cranky.
Mother calmly pushing cart: Do you even know what that means?
Three-year-old boy: No. You are cranky.

–Target, Bronx

With Occasional Dangerous Liaisons in the Middle

Little boy, after dad explains difference between Barnard and Columbia: So, this side of the street is for girls, and that side is for boys?
Father: Exactly.

–116th & Broadway

But My Mom Says When I Turn 10 I Can Get a New Face

Nine-year-old blonde: I’m not pretty.
Nine-year-old brunette: Yes, you are. You’re super pretty!
Nine-year-old blonde: I’m not pretty enough. I’m not Paris Hilton-pretty.

–Hudson & Perry

Overheard by: Talia

Mom’s a Reluctant Convert to Heterosexuality

Little boy: But Mom, what is my penis for?
Mom: I told you, if you have questions about that stuff, ask Daddy — not Mommy!

–Central Park South

Overheard by: L.L.

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