Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: Stop callin’ me jose! What’s my name?!
Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: If you don’t stop callin’ me Jose I’ma stick my foot up yo’ ass, you hear? I ain’t no Jose, I’m Daddy!
–Atlantic Center
Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: Stop callin’ me jose! What’s my name?!
Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: If you don’t stop callin’ me Jose I’ma stick my foot up yo’ ass, you hear? I ain’t no Jose, I’m Daddy!
–Atlantic Center
Clown: Chastity.
Three-year-old boy: Hahahaha!
–W 86th & West End
Overheard by: Emily B.
School child #1: Yo, Tupac is still alive.
School child #2: Yeah, I heard that, too. I heard he’s strippin’. He’s a stripper in LA.
A small child with them gets off train.
Old woman: Get back on the train! [Small child gives her the finger with both hands and runs away.]School child #1: Yo, who is that kid?
School child #2: I don’t know. I saw him in the bathroom. He was takin’ a shit and he came out and smiled at me… And that’s how I know him.
–G train
Child: Look, Mommy, that lady looks like Daddy’s computer.
Mother: Which one?
Child: The one he has in his office.
–Seaman & Cumming
Father: Look at this — the bottle is sweating!
Six-year-old girl: It’s condensation, Dad.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: GL
Mom unwrapping granola bar for child: Now, eat this over my purse. I don’t want you getting crumbs everywhere.
Four-year-old: Why?
Mom: Rats like crumbs, and we do not want to contribute to the rat problem.
Four-year-old: Rats? I want to see the rats!
Mom: No! We won’t be a part of the problem.
Four-year-old: Where are the rats?!
–1 train
Overheard by: turtle
Woman on stoop: Ugh, I hate kids.
Mom of playing children: You have four of them!
Woman on stoop: Oh, I got rid of those.
–Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: melissa
Mother: You’re so pretty.
Four-year-old daughter, stomping: Don’t call me pretty! I need to be smart and pretty!
Mother: Okay, you’re smart.
Four-year-old daughter, crying: Nooo! Mom! Don’t just say ‘smart.’ Say ‘smart and pretty.’ It needs to be both! I can’t just be smart! Smart and pretty, together!
–Park Ave South
Overheard by: Lauren Joyce
Ghetto mama #1: Yeah, I get him ready for bed, and then he starts cryin’ and shit.
Ghetto mama #2: Girl, you give that baby some NyQuil before you put him to bed and he will be good to go.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Kid #1: … So then I took a waffle and I filled it with eggs and grits and syrup, and I folded the whole thing up and ate it like a taco…
Kid #2: What? You’re going to catch diabetes that way!
Kid #3: What are grits, anyway? What do grits taste like?
Kid #1: Syrup. They taste like syrup.
–Canarsie-bound L train
