Man on cell: I tried to call you yesterday but you weren’t home. Where were you? What? Colonoscopy? Did he at least buy you flowers and talk dirty to you? Sorry, yeah that was out of line. I’ll cut the crap now. Oh, ha, ha, I just made an unintended pun. No…no, sorry, man…hello? Hello?
–Penn Station, LIRR waiting area
Girl: Hey, you!
Random guy: Yes?
Girl: Not you, the guy behind you.
Other guy: Yes?
Girl: On a scale of one to ten, what do you think my chances are with the guy I just spoke to before you?
–58th & 6th
Crazy old woman: It’s the United States government, they did this — ruined my hair, my skin, my nails.
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: nina
Boy: If you can find that channel on cable, it’s all Castro, all the time.
–1st Ave & 11th
Overheard by: Elmer Colon
Guy on payphone: I didn’t say anything about smacking the fuck out of your country.
–91st & 1st
Guy: I might move to the South Bronx/Washington Heights. SoBro is getting gentrified.
I’d like to get there before all the hipsters move in.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: Just start saying it, they’ll think you’re cool. It’s New York.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Guy: Man, we gotta get you on a J-Date sometime soon.
–53rd & 1st
Overheard by: Pam, Lauren, and Gloria
Limo driver: If you were my girl I’d quit lying and cheating.
–55th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: turned off
Irate man on cell: It’s all the same. Because Art and Commerce merged in ’92. [Pause, yelling on the other end of the line] That’s when the NWA album came out.
–38th & 6th
Overheard by: Erin Sparling
Woman: How am I supposed to know if I like it?
–181st Invitational Exhibition of Contemporary American Art, National Academy Museum, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Beeeej
Skinny white teenage boy, pointing to a T-shirt that says New York Fucking City: Yo mom. I want this shirt in the biggest size they have.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Allisa
Mom on cell with son: Listen, you get home now, you only thirteen and you be fuckin’ all them bitches.
–Herald Square
Guy on cell: No! For the last time, you gotta set it on fire after you put it on his doorstep. [To friend] God, fucking kids these days.
–22nd & 6th
Scrubby girl: …so he said I spent too much on bags, and I should sell some. But I love bags, and I get them all on sale!
Professional girl: How much do you spend on bags a month?
Scrubby girl: Around a thousand.
Professional girl: And how much is your rent?
Scrubby girl: Eight hundred.
Professional girl: So sell some fucking bags. Jesus!
–14th & A
Overheard by: Corocet
Girl: Little Italy is changing so much. Look at this place, this doesn’t belong here…
Guy: Why not? It’s called “Casa Bella.” That means “beautiful house.”
Girl: “Bella” doesn’t mean “house.”
–Mulberry & Hester
Overheard by: Wow
Little boy getting out of car, looking down at curb: There’s no rats here, Dad. You can go now, there’s no rats.
Dad: Son, get yo’ lunch bag.
–95th between 3rd & Lex
