Lady #1: The doctor has me on all kinds of medication for my STD.
Lady #2: Oh?
Daughter of lady #1: Mom, for the last time, it’s ‘SVT,’ not ‘STD.’ You have a heart condition, not a sexually transmitted disease.
Lady #1: Shit, I really have to stop getting those two things mixed up!
–E train
Girlfriend #1: What you got is real love. That nigga’s jumpin’ off balconies, gettin’ a tattoo…
Girlfriend #2: That don’t mean nothin’. Your father got 15 bitches’ names on him.
Girlfriend #1: Bitch, he loves you!
–A train
Overheard by: Nicole
Hipster girl #1: I was blowing him and it was taking, like, 20 minutes, so I finally told him to hurry up since my jaw was hurting.
Hipster girl #2: I hate that! How can they take that long to just finish?
Suit nearby: If you would do it right, it would only take two minutes.
–2 train
Overheard by: TP
Guy #1: Yeah, so the taxi driver took us through the most congested traffic. He did it on purpose!
Guy #2: That’s why you have to tell them where to go.
Guy #1: And be firm.
Guy #2: It’s like training a dog.
–3 train
Overheard by: rick
Teen #1: My shits change color. They be green, then they dark brown…
Teen #2: Green? Nah…
Teen #3: My shits be green.
Teen #4: Yeah, I seen his shits be green.
Teen #1: Look! Look right now. My eyes be green.
Teen #4: That nigga wear contacts.
–A train
Overheard by: TMI
Teen thug: Yo, I remember all that shit from back in the day. Like, in second grade there was this movie with a bug in it…!
Preteen thug: Word?
–42nd St-bound Q train
Bag lady: You look like you got a shitty job!
Suit: Do you even have a job?
Bag lady: Oh, yeah, I do all kinds of jobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs…
Suit: That’s not what I meant–
Bag lady: –Tit jobs…
–6 train
Overheard by: Digeridude
Homeless woman: I’ve had a hard life. Just yesterday I was raped on the subway…
Man: Quit complaining! [Car laughs.]
–1 train
Black girl #1: I feel like getting laid.
Black girl #2: You and me, both.
Black girl #1: I think I’m into white guys tonight!
–4 train, Union Square
Overheard by: newyork2boston
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.
