On the Subway

Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: That guy on the F Train

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl: I always get suspicious when I see hot, thin moms with fat little daughters, because you know they’re making them fat so that they don’t turn out hotter than them.
Guy: What?
Girl: I’m serious, I’ve seen it happen! You know that’s what Christine’s mom did to her.

–E train

Overheard by: Dness

Woman with headphones: ‘Scuuuse me!
Bimbette: What?! I said, ‘Excuse me.’
Woman with headphones: Well, I have on headphones and shades, so obviously I didn’t see or hear you. Ever thought about tapping me on the shoulder, asshole?
Bimbette, opening book called, How to Become Fearless: Well, whatever. I’m already sitting down.
Woman with headphones: That book must being doing something good for your ego. Hope it has a chapter in there on what to do after you get smacked on the train for being fearless…

–A train

Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!

–F train, Roosevelt Island

Overheard by: Milo

Chick: You just don’t get me sometimes!
Guy: Like how?
Chick: I don’t like it when you call me a fat pig!

–1 train

Overheard by: Csmith

Ghetto nerd chick #1, to girl talking about Harry Potter on cell: Aw, hell, no she didn’t! I have not been reading that shit since I was 13 to have the final ending fucked up by some crackwhore-looking bitch on her stupid pink faggot phone! Oh, fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! I’m going to kill you, feed you to wolves, then nuclear bomb the entire planet!
Ghetto nerd chick #2, into cell: I know, yeah… What? Oh, just some crazy bitch. Yeah, and can you believe that they killed off–
Ghetto nerd chick #1, covering her ears and singing: –Stuck on a train with a big fat whore. Stuck on a train. La-lala-lala…

–S train

Conductor #1: There is a train ahead of us at the station. We’ll be moving shortly.
Conductor #2: The D just crossed in front of us. Now there’s an A and a D. I’m tired, too. I was out ’til four AM last night. I’m gonna take a nap!

–A train

Overheard by: is this man ok to drive?

Gaggle of drunk women to friend with tiara: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!
Wasted stranger dude: Happy biiirthday, dear whoever-the-fuck-you-are!

–C train

Overheard by: i sang along too

Lesbo: I’m just sick of everyone stereotyping and treating people based on race, sexual orientation, or whatever.
Staight woman: Yeah, it’s hard to avoid.
Lesbo: I know! And it’s like 2007! Everyone’s gay or lesbian. The stereotyping is everywhere — school, the gym, work.
Straight woman: Oh, where do you work?
Lesbo: Home Depot.

–4 train

Overheard by: Stephen Fargo

Conductor: Due to a stalled train at Lorimer Street, there is no L service to Manhattan.
Hispanic lady: Why would someone stole a train? Where they gonna put it?

–M train