Little girl: What’s that, mommy?
She points to double-decker site-seeing tourist bus.
Mom: That’s what the tourists use to look at us.
–46 & 8th
Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category
It Looks Like This Very Train Car, Neo
Litte girl: Why do they always do that?
Mother: Because they don’t think outside the box.
Little girl, after a pause: What does the box look like?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
Dude, You’d Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: “Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet.”
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of “What a Wonderful World”: I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of “We Are All One Body”: “We ain’t with no retards! We man’s chil’ren of the world!” (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: “Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!”
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: “Don’t want to close my eyes, don’t wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Canadia: *Sniff*
Mom: You wanna play with my iPod? I put your favorite Bieber songs on there.
Three-year-old: He not my favorite anymore.
Mom: He’s not? How come?
Three-year-old: Mommy, he’s just a white boy from Canada.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: not a belieber
Almost As Sick As Your Power Dynamic?
Harassed mother to four-year-old: Max, can we pleeaase just take a cab, it’s too cold to wait for a bus!
Four-year-old: No! Cabs make me feel sick!
–Union Square
Overheard by: cherrypips
Another Reason I’d Hate to See You Go Into the Priesthood
Italian father: Hey, son, look at this knee cap.
Son: Cool. What is that stuff?
Italian father: You see the part that looks like calamari? Well, that will give you trouble one day.
–Bodies Exhibition
Overheard by: hrln
That’s Like Taking It to Denny’s!
Guy #1: So, she was eventually diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome. No, not Stockholm syndrome… Munchausen by proxy.
Guy #2: Is that where you make your kid sick to get attention?
Guy #1: Yeah. I mean, who feeds their newborn feces? Who does that?
–21st St & 6th Ave
It’s 48 Months Late at This Point
Teenage boy: No, man! She like… can’t get out of bed, because if she stands up, the baby will like fall out.
Teenage girl: What?
–St. Luke’s
…And, Secondly, That’s a Door.
Kid on subway: Mom! That is a mad big window!
Mom: Honey, that’s not proper English. You say “that window is mad big.”
–G Train
