Black man: Quit turning around and walk, bitch. I ain’t gonna rape you.

White woman turns around and walks a little faster.

Black man: You ain’t even my type! Too skinny! I like ’em big!

–Madison Ave

Idealist: I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl who will make omelets and won’t sleep with my friends.

–7th & Ave A

Tall girl smoking cigarette on the sidewalk: You’re not my type.

Short guying selling CDs on the sidewalk: What do you mean?

Tall girl: First of all, you’re short. Second of all, you’re selling CDs on the sidewalk.

–6th Ave & 12th St

Man: I mean, the fact is, it’s going to be very hard for you to find someone who fulfills your specific needs.
Woman: Yeah, I know.
Man: I mean, what you’re looking for, it’s like beyond brains. You want a man who understands auras and energy. I mean, face it, there’s not another guy on this whole car who gets that.
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Man: You know, you’re a good candidate for just settling.

–G train

Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.

–Happy Ending, Broome Street

Girl #1: I kind of do want to fall in love with someone who quickly ranges from hideous to really attractive.
Girl #2: That’s how I think most people are.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Laura Vinocur

Girl #1: Man, none of them are fine or anything, but you see them bodies on ’em?
Girl #2: Yeah, I bet those motherfuckers can fuck.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!”

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

Overheard by: alex

Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once?

–26th & Lexington

Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone.

–Burger King, Union Turnpike

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late!

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike

Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.

–The Gate, Park Slope

A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?

–Broadway & 80th

Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”

–27th street office

JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.

–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd

Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.

–D train

Overheard by: Nash Astor

Girl #1: So we’re in bed, fooling around, and he goes, “Does it feel good when I rub your G-spot?” And I go, “I’ll let you know.”
Girl #2: Ooh, that’s so mean!
Girl #1: Please. I’ll fake a clitoral orgasm for anyone. But I draw the line at faking a G-spot orgasm. No man’s self-esteem is that important to me.

–19th & Park