Chick #1: Is that the guy you were with last weekend?
Chick #2: Keep your voice down. And please don’t remind me.
Chick #1: Why? He’s not bad.
Chick #2: He’s not even law school hot. I’ve so had to lower my standards for this group.
Chick #1: I’ve just started going out with Jewish guys.
Chick #2: Ugh. Please. We’re only here for another year and a half…I can hold out.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: iiams
Chick #1 looking at life-like dildo that actually cums: I wonder what it cums.
Chick #2: If it were me, I would put in vanilla milkshake.
Chick #1: Oh my god! How amazing would it be if guys came vanilla milkshakes?! I would be on my knees all day long!
Chick #2: Yeah, totally… What a cruel joke that most of them taste like steamrolled, year-old sushi.
–The Pink Pussycat
Overheard by: Sharon Sloan
Girl: Why don’t you just make a list of all the girls you want to fuck and their qualities for me, so I can take notes?
Boy: … Like, bullet points, or can I use full sentences?
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Jesse
Hipster guy: So I called him and he was like, ‘My mom is here!’ and I was like, ‘Can you bring her with you?’
Hipster girl: Yeah, I don’t know… I’m not sure I could do it.
Hipster guy: Really? Yeah, sometimes it’s not worth the trouble. Just something fun to do every once in a while when you’re bored… I mean, the last time I fucked a 16-year-old was when I was… twenty-two?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jordan
Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.
–Barnes & Noble
Gold digger to friend: Yeah, I’m done with doctors. I want an architect.
–E 80th St
Overheard by: hannah g
Annoyed JAP: So, he told me that I would date my way out of the Upper East Side.
–Ladies’ room, Johnny’s Uptown
Overheard by: Grover
Patient to receptionist: She no-showed on me, too, but I didn’t like her anyway because she has Alzheimer’s, and she’s a gold digger.
–Dentist’s office
JAP: I mean, I was raised never thinking I would ever have to take care of myself.
–Penn Station
Chick: I mean, he’s, like, a little unstable. He just seems a little wired, but he works for a hedge fund, so…
–77th & 3rd
Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
JAP #1: I think I’m going to break up with him. He really has, like, no money.
JAP #2: Really?
JAP #1: Yeah. He, like, doesn’t even have an iPod.
–116th & Broadway
Young college guy: Tell me about your friend. Is she hot?
Girl: She sings sea shanties and goes to Brown.
Young college guy: I’ll marry her.
–La Mama, ETC
Overheard by: sagacious man
