Queer #1: I had a dream last night that I had cancer, but Ty Pennington showed up and built me a house!
Queer #2: The real question is, did you also have sex with him in the dream?
Queer #1: Come on, that would have been tacky!
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Kyle
Flamboyant queer: Oh my god, the black security guards complimented my moves! That’s like the Nobel Prize of dancing!
Fag hag: I don’t think Nobel Prizes work that way…
–Stuyvesant High
Queer: So, I lost my virginity at 13 for all the wrong reasons.
Friend: Haha!
Queer: I’m serious.
Friend: Oh… Really?!
–180th & Ft Washington
Overheard by: reading and laughing
Queer #1: Who were you trying to give head to in the photo booth?
Queer #2: Oh, Jason — you weren’t there. He wouldn’t go for it, though, so we’re not together anymore.
Queer #1: I’m sorry.
Queer #2: … Really for a multitude of reasons… Refusing to engage in oral sex at a work party was like, well, the last straw.
–1st & 1st
Girl: I’m so glad you’re moving in with us.
Queer: Me, too. I was talking to my roommate the other day — the one I hate — and she was like, ‘I feel like once you move out I’ll never see you and we won’t hang out anymore.’ And I was just thinking, ‘Bitch, when I move out, you’re coming off my MySpace! You was just a pity add!’
–Central Park
Queer: So, I was on a date with this guy, Christian — like the religion — the other night, and we had a nice hug and kiss goodbye. Then he went down into the PATH train. Right after he left, my phone started ringing and it said Christian was calling, and I was like, ‘What? How’s he calling me?’ And then I realized it was Cristian, C-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, this other guy I hooked up with a few months ago. So I answered and we ended up hooking up again that night… So, I had two Christians in one night. If this were ancient Rome, I’d be the lion in the Colosseum.
–Posh bar
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Queer #1: Oh my god! You know that rat?
Queer #2: What rat?
Queer #1: You know — Mike’s rat — the one that sings “New York, New York.”
Queer #2: Oh! That rat! I love that rat! [Begins singing “New York, New York.”]
–Broadway platform, N train, Astoria
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Queer #1: Do you love me?
Queer #2, holding his hand: No.
Queer #1: Then why are you holding my hand?
Queer #2: ‘Cause that’s what we’re supposed to do in public!
–The Village
Queer #1: Christians are the most vile creatures on this planet.
Queer #2: Shhh… They’ll hear you!
–13th St, between Greenwich & 7th Ave
Queer dance instructor: Okay, girls, now here’s a little move I learned in my home town back in West Virginia… [Girls look hesitant.] God, why does everybody look so scared when I mention West Virginia? It’s not a scary place, I swear!
–American Dance and Drama Studio, Union Tpke
Overheard by: Lindsay
