Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]
–34 Cooper Square
Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]
–34 Cooper Square
Girl #1: Oh my god, John! You have to join our theater company that we’re starting.
Girl #2: It’s called ‘Four Bitches and a Toke.’
Girl #3: You’re the toke.
Queer: Wait, wait… I’m the toke? I’m a bigger bitch than all four of you.
Girl #4: But you don’t have a vagina!
Queer: Ohhh, trust me — you do not have to have a vagina to be a bitch.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Todd B
Queer: So he showed up at the store in a t-shirt and towel and asked for Butt Paste!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rachel P
Queer: I will have no part in making babies!
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Queer to approaching fag hag: Hi! Oh my god, you really do look like a suicide victim!
–Blockheads, 50th & 8th
Overheard by: ashley
Teen queer to friends: Hey! Tell pickle-juice-titties to come on! We gettin’ up out this faggot function.
–135th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Just Another Harlemite
Queer: When I get bored around two in the morning I start throwing a rubber band ball at the wall. Then I take a cardboard box and use it to keep the ball from hitting me… It’s a rush.
–185th & Bennett
Overheard by: LSB
Woman: I like tuna, but… you know, like, sometimes the smell’s bad.
Queer: Yeah… Especially when it’s not your own.
–Bleecker & Crosby
Queer: Where’d you lose your voice?
Girl: Oh, no — I’m sick.
Queer: Oh, you weren’t screaming?
Girl: No, I’m just sick.
Queer: Oh, I wish you had, like, a party or something.
–Baruch College, Newman Vertical campus
Queer: That was so disappointing. What was that director thinking? And that drum! Jesus, that drum — the most important scene probably in the last hundred years of Dramatic Literature. I mean, the girl is saving the town, for God’s sake — it’s supposed to be heroic — and they give her a tiny toy drum, practically a fucking tambourine! It makes the scene funny and ludicrous! It’s like, what are they fighting for, for Christ’s sake?!
Passing B&T woman: Well, that’s the point, isn’t it? What are they ever fighting for?
Queer: Certainly not that fucking drum.
–Outside the Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Drunk queer #1: I can’t stand the fucking bitch! I shouldn’t have to sneak you up there! Oooh, we could try it between those buildings!
Drunk queer #2: That’ll show her!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Hoping they don’t decide to show me….
Queer #1: I had a dream last night that I had cancer, but Ty Pennington showed up and built me a house!
Queer #2: The real question is, did you also have sex with him in the dream?
Queer #1: Come on, that would have been tacky!
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Kyle
Flamboyant queer: Oh my god, the black security guards complimented my moves! That’s like the Nobel Prize of dancing!
Fag hag: I don’t think Nobel Prizes work that way…
–Stuyvesant High
Queer: So, I lost my virginity at 13 for all the wrong reasons.
Friend: Haha!
Queer: I’m serious.
Friend: Oh… Really?!
–180th & Ft Washington
Overheard by: reading and laughing
