Queer #1: He’s hot. Wait, he’s hot, too. Fuck! Why is everyone I like so young?
Queer #2: ‘Cause you’re a pig?
–Jane St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Paddy
Queer #1: He’s hot. Wait, he’s hot, too. Fuck! Why is everyone I like so young?
Queer #2: ‘Cause you’re a pig?
–Jane St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Paddy
Girl to friend: I mean, guys just don’t understand how much hotter they are when they can dance. I’d totally date a guy who can dance with me.
Random queer: Me, too!
–Q train
Queer black man #1: I am stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #2: Mmm-hm.
Queer black man #1: But I am not slow. I never was.
Queer black man #2: You never were.
Queer black man #1: I never was.
Queer black man #2: It’s ‘were. I never were.’ I was an English major.
Queer black man #1: It’s, ‘I never was.’ I went to school. You’re speaking some sort of crazy… some crazy Ebonics language.
Queer black man #2: Bitch, you stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #1: Mmm-hm, that’s right.
–M10 bus, 110th & CPW
Overheard by: A former English minor, weeping.
Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]
–34 Cooper Square
Girl #1: Oh my god, John! You have to join our theater company that we’re starting.
Girl #2: It’s called ‘Four Bitches and a Toke.’
Girl #3: You’re the toke.
Queer: Wait, wait… I’m the toke? I’m a bigger bitch than all four of you.
Girl #4: But you don’t have a vagina!
Queer: Ohhh, trust me — you do not have to have a vagina to be a bitch.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Todd B
Queer: So he showed up at the store in a t-shirt and towel and asked for Butt Paste!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rachel P
Queer: I will have no part in making babies!
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Queer to approaching fag hag: Hi! Oh my god, you really do look like a suicide victim!
–Blockheads, 50th & 8th
Overheard by: ashley
Teen queer to friends: Hey! Tell pickle-juice-titties to come on! We gettin’ up out this faggot function.
–135th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Just Another Harlemite
Queer: When I get bored around two in the morning I start throwing a rubber band ball at the wall. Then I take a cardboard box and use it to keep the ball from hitting me… It’s a rush.
–185th & Bennett
Overheard by: LSB
Woman: I like tuna, but… you know, like, sometimes the smell’s bad.
Queer: Yeah… Especially when it’s not your own.
–Bleecker & Crosby
Queer: Where’d you lose your voice?
Girl: Oh, no — I’m sick.
Queer: Oh, you weren’t screaming?
Girl: No, I’m just sick.
Queer: Oh, I wish you had, like, a party or something.
–Baruch College, Newman Vertical campus
Queer: That was so disappointing. What was that director thinking? And that drum! Jesus, that drum — the most important scene probably in the last hundred years of Dramatic Literature. I mean, the girl is saving the town, for God’s sake — it’s supposed to be heroic — and they give her a tiny toy drum, practically a fucking tambourine! It makes the scene funny and ludicrous! It’s like, what are they fighting for, for Christ’s sake?!
Passing B&T woman: Well, that’s the point, isn’t it? What are they ever fighting for?
Queer: Certainly not that fucking drum.
–Outside the Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Drunk queer #1: I can’t stand the fucking bitch! I shouldn’t have to sneak you up there! Oooh, we could try it between those buildings!
Drunk queer #2: That’ll show her!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Hoping they don’t decide to show me….
