Female clerk: Do we have Skinny Bitch down here?
Queer clerk: Oh, I don’t know. What does she look like?
Female clerk: It’s a book.
Queer clerk: Oh, we have books here, too.
–Barnes & Noble
Female clerk: Do we have Skinny Bitch down here?
Queer clerk: Oh, I don’t know. What does she look like?
Female clerk: It’s a book.
Queer clerk: Oh, we have books here, too.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy to friend: Yo! I’m mad hungry! I want some anus! [Passengers stare.] … Awww, shit! I meant that shit from McDonald’s — angus! Angus!
–4 train
Enthusiastic queer: This train smells like McDonald’s! Someone’s being a chubby chicken!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Onion
Hobo: Just so you know, they don’t got liquor stores in heaven. They don’t got no McDonald’s, neither.
–1 train
Overheard by: Galen
Girl on cell: He’s obsessed with America’s Next Top Model… And he watches What Not to Wear… What? No… Mom, he said that McDonald’s fries are his weakness, but they go straight to his thighs! How much gayer do you need him to be?!
–Pratt Institute
Mom to crying kid in stroller: Well, if you don’t want McDonald’s, I don’t know what I can get you.
–207th & Broadway
Queer #1: You did such a good job of shaving my balls!
Queer #2: You’re going to have to do mine again — they’re all spiky again.
Queer #1: O-M-G — I’ll have to do it as soon as we get home so we have enough time to bang before your parents come!
–Central Park
Overheard by: brunette teen
Queer: So, I guess I’m officially part of the Bank of America family now, but I don’t really feel like I am.
Fag hag: What do you mean?
Queer: It’s like my mom married into it, and now I’m the Bank of America’s ignored stepchild.
–Fordham University
Queer #1: Ewww, that’s sooo disgusting.
Queer #2: It’s a puddle, you fag. Get over it.
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Luke
Queer #1: My friend wants to know where you are from.
Queer #2: I’m from Thailand.
Queer #1, disappointed: Oh… My friend thought you were Asian.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Kenzi
Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Bible thumper: There is a reason they call it ‘Black Friday.’ This is the end of times, folks. They are here.
Queer working at Alexia Crawford: Man, I can’t wait to be 60 and bitter.
–Union Square
Overheard by: ritechus
Drunk, to queer: Fag!
Queer: … Dad?
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: Ray
Fag hag: Who was that guy?
Queer: I dunno! I can’t remember the name of every guy I’ve slept with.
Fag hag: You never got the names of half the guys you’ve slept with.
–Circle in the Square Theatre School
