Wednesday One-Liners Have Never Been Married… Just Sayin’

Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.

–75th & Columbus

Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.

–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave

Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.

–C Train

Overheard by: Lemuel

Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?

–JFK Bathroom

Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.

–Staten Island Perkins Diner

IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!

–915 Broadway, Manhattan

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, JFK Airport, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

But I Thought You Were Gay!

Cute girl: No, I swear that coat was pink.
Clearly gay guy: It was not pink [glances down.]Cute girl: Is there something pink…I mean… Did you just look at my boobs?!
Clearly gay guy: I mean, they’re right there.

–Zara, 5th Ave

Overheard by: rach

Posted on April 11, 2008
Clothing, Colors, Girls, Nipples, Queer guys, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village

I’ve Drawn Up Some Diagrams -Could You Check Them for Accuracy?

Queer: I want to have sex with a girl.
Girl, laughing: Any particular girl? Or just any girl?
Queer: Any girl. I’ve been watching a lot of straight porn and it seems interesting.

–NYU

Posted on April 11, 2008
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, NYU, Porn, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Wishes & desires

Will She Do an Inverted 4-G Dive at 2 Meters?

Queer #1: That guy’s kinda cute.
Queer #2: Dude, that’s a dyke…there’s a whole contingent of dykes that strive for the Tom-Cruise-from-Top-Gun look.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: paulie

Posted on April 5, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Movies, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Street, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Will Sleep with You If You Hold Still

Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!

–92nd & 2nd

Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!

–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rowan

Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.

–115th & Lenox

Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’

–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn

Overheard by: equally gay

Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: j

Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!

–Parsons the New School for Design

Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?

–1 train

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Sexuality, Street, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Upper East Side, Williamsburg

If by “Threesome” You Mean “Three People with No Sexual Attractions in Common,” Then Yes.

Slutty lesbian: Did you tell Ebony that we wanted to have a threesome with her?
Skinny queer: Who is Abony?
Slutty lesbian: Did you tell Ebony we were going to have a threesome?
Skinny queer: Abony?! … Oh, Ebony.

–Bodega, 13th & 6th

Posted on March 13, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Lesbians, Names, Queer guys, Skinny People, Three is Company

Sometimes Wednesday One-Liners Like to Play by Themselves

Teacher: Well, I guess it’s just Vomit and Dildo Day here in screen writing class.

–SVA Building, 21st St

Black queer to Chinese server: You tell Steve that he better come over and pick up his dildo or I’ma kick his ass!

–Christopher & Greenwich St

Overheard by: Justin Tang

Middle-aged stagehand to another: All I know is that I need to get a lot more KY jelly before next week.

–Striking stagehand picket line, Broadway

Dude to chick: You’ll have to wear a dildo…

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Elegant lady: That’s really one of the two great stories of your childhood, the other one being when I walked into Yhe Pleasure Chest and said, ‘Can you recommend a good vibrator for a child?’ Suddenly everyone got very quiet and still, and I gasped and said, ‘Oh, no, not like that! It’s just that… I’m a Greenwich Village mom, and she’s been using the electric toothbrush!’ They were much friendlier once they thought I was the sort of person who was going to go down the street to the market and buy some spinach, and not a dangerous pervert.

–Park Ave Bistro

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Bearded guy, excitedly: True! But what a vibrator that would be!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Argopelter

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Education, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, Cold Enough for You?

Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?

–33rd & Broadway

Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!

–96th & Broadway

Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Overheard by: Sternie

Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.

–Essex Restaurant, LES

Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: jaybrrd