Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Have Loose Lips

Lady suit: Trevor is one of those ‘close talkers.’ He’s got to respect my personal space because his breath always smells like pussy.

–C train, 14th St

Overheard by: I am safe in my space.

Chubby girl: Oh, shit, yo! My pussy came out! My pussy came out!

–Coney Island Beach

Thrilled girl: Remember when you had a funeral for my vagina on the subway?

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: not mourning that one

26-year-old girl: My mother has the vagina of a 25-year-old!

–18th & 10th

Stripper to man: I just had a foot up my pussy, so I’m allowed to be mean.

–21st & 5th

Overheard by: ryan

Chick: Vaginas do not have taste buds.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Megan

Put Your Hands Down My Wednesday One-Liners and I Bet You’ll Feel Nuts

Teen: There’s a world war in my pants, and everyone’s invited!

–Ft. Greene Pl

Overheard by: Liz

Mini thug to girls: Damn, bitches, slow down! You know a nigga can’t walk in these pants.

–Queens

Hot chick: I’m just so sick of putting on pants.

–E train, WTC

Overheard by: inothernews

Cougar: She pulled down his pants and there it was, like a machine gun! Just hangin’ there. Rat-a-tat-tat. It was that big.

–Blue & Gold, East Village

Overheard by: Evan

Man with hands down pants: I’m sorry… My penis is too long for these pants.

–62nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Caissie

Wednesday Wrote the Book on One-Liners

Suit on cell: Well, I’m in Barnes and Noble right now, actually [picks up skin care product]. Well, I was thinking about getting the Bill Clinton book…

–Sephora, Union Square

Dude: Are those people speaking sign language? That would be really cool… Although, there wouldn’t be much point in them coming to a bookstore, unless they’re in the braille section…

–Barnes & Noble

NYU girl on cell: Ugh! He keeps giving me all these books to read, and I feel like my mind is like, ‘Okay, I get it. You’re gay and that’s fine…’ But my body’s like, ‘I don’t get it — you want me to sit on this book so you can fuck me?’

–Washington Square

Lady on cell: Is that why you mad at me? Because you can’t read? Damn!

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: sj

Wednesday One-Liners Shuffle Off This Mortal Coil

Jew: He died for your sins! Bruce Lee died of a questionable overdose of aspirin for your sins!

–Central Park

Overheard by: AJ

Dude passing street meat cart: Mmm… I want whatever dead animal that is!

–53rd & 3rd

Blonde WASP on cell: It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even go onto the porch anymore, because the dead bodies are attracting so many flies.

–Washington Square

Little girl: Daddy, you have to do something interesting before you die!

–86th & Broadway

Hipster: Until I was 10 I thought my grandmother killed my grandfather with red velvet cake.

–Smith & Degraw, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Exploding Cake

Wednesday One-Volk-One-Reich-One-Führer-Liners

Young girl to older man: Sir, I don’t think it’s fair to compare Greenpeace to the Nazis.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Nick

Teen girl to friend: Oh, I know about the Great Depression! That’s when Hitler’s wife poisoned her kids and then shot herself. She was really depressed.

–Colombus Library, 50th & 10th

Hipster chick: We’re neutral like Switzerland, except we do more business with the Nazis, or, in this case, your mother.

–Forsyth & Houston

Teen son to mom: So, how’s Hitler doing?

–2 train

Wednesday H. One-Liners!

Tourist fighting crowd and accosted by preacher with flyers: ‘Cause it’s not crowed enough without Jesus on the sidewalk?!

–Times Square, 45th & 7th

Hoochie: It is hard to think about Jesus with a dick in your mouth.

–O’Connor’s Bar, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Was just watching the game until I heard that

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, today I’d like to talk to you about our Lord. Now, let’s be honest, you all look beaten, you look broken, you need the light of the Almighty. Well, for just five cents a day I can bring Jesus into your life. Just five cents in my cup and you can have our savior for the rest of the day. Don’t be shy — you can all have Jesus for the entire month if you want.

–Crowded S train leaving Grand Central

Four-year-old boy waving at Evan Almighty poster: Hi, Jesus!

–63rd Dr, Rego Park station

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus Christ is driving this train.

–F train

Middle schooler: When I die I’m gonna go to heaven and ask Jesus if Santa Claus is real, and then I’m gonna laugh in your face!

–Fort Tyron Park

Overheard by: E.F. Schubert

Mother Goose’s Wednesday One-Liners

Small girl’s voice from inside tube: Repeat, I have the prisoner, over.

–McDonald’s playland, 69th & Metro, Queens

Little girl: Mommy, there are no good stones in this city anymore.

–79th & 5th

Little girl, proudly: Mommy, I found this on the floor of the supermarket, so I put it in my mouth.

–Waldbaum’s Supermarket, Sheepshead Bay

Little girl swinging around a receipt: I don’t have to pay taxes! Taaax-esss.

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Wishing I didnt have to either

There’s a Thin Line between Love and Wednesday One-Liners

Wailing little kid in leggings: I hate my life! I hate my life!

–N 4th & Bedford, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Alison

Small chick to big guy: What? Hold it. Stop — you just told me that you hate all of my favorite fruits…

–Orchard & Delancey, LES

Dude to chick: The only reason I like you is because you don’t hate me when I fart in your face.

–Hudson & Perry

Hobo: People hate each other… so they get married.

–Platform, 53rd & 5th

Overheard by: Nick

Suit: Ah, young people in love… I hate you all.

–Carl Schultz Park

Wednesday One-Liners — So Meaty!

MTA lady to another: I thought he had an earring in his tongue, but it was a meatball! It was like a little extra piece of meat on his tongue!

–3 train station

Chick: Gosh, they keep the kosher kitchen security so tight. What would they do if I just ran in there and touched everything with pork?

–Hewitt dining hall, Barnard College

Overheard by: laughed inside

Bimbette: Yeah, she’s a vegetarian now. No turkey, no meat — nothing. But I don’t know what she’s gonna do at Thanksgiving, because my aunt makes the best eggplant. Wait — is eggplant meat?

–A train

Overheard by: nas

Dude: This girl I know is vegan. She was ordering soup and asked if it had meat in it. It did, and she was pissed… And then I found five dollars!

–23rd & Madison

50-ish woman on cell: The sausages, the arguing… He won’t be back.

–Court St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: lisa Santandrea

Really tall guy folding himself into a Toyota Corolla: Don’t let me forget — I have a pocket full of meat!

–7th St, between Ave A & B

Overheard by: Siobhan

They Call Wednesday One-Liners Aaron Burr ‘Cause of How They Drop Hamiltons

Man: There are just two problems. Number one, I can’t find anything to invest in. Number two, I have no money.

–Elevator, 56th & Lex

Overheard by: marisa

Man: So, what exactly does ‘You can win up to a million dollars’ mean?

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rachel P

Whiny waitress: You know that asshole Conan O’Brien. He didn’t tip me at all on a fifteen hundred dollar tab!

–Main St, Roosevelt Island

Subway prophet: You got your money? Lady, you got your money? You got your jewels? I ain’t gonna rob ya, but you can’t take it with you! You can’t take none of that with you! You got your fine things, but you can’t take that shit with you! Give it to me instead!

–3 train

Young man on cell: I’m thinking maybe I should marry the girl, ’cause she’s got lots of money… And I do kinda love her.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Abi

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist