Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

–17th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!

–Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.

–Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!

–Financial District

Overheard by: lex

Janet Reno Day One-Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don’t like you! Don’t you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13th St

Not Even the Women’s Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley’s Critique

Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: kapnasty

Headline by: Leema

Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Like Crate and Barrel

Hipster chick: I saw a picture of Susie’s* fiancé.
Queer: Oh?
Hipster chick: Yeah. His face is really long. And demonic.
Queer: It’s interesting how you put it in that order.
Hipster chick: Well, that’s the order you think of it when you see him. It’s like, ‘Gee, his face sure is long. I wonder why? Oh, I see, it’s to hold all that evil.’

–6 train

Overheard by: Charlie

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!