Junior girl #1: I know! So many people are getting mono now — it’s ridiculous.
Junior girl #2: I know! Kaitlyn and I agreed that if one of us gets it, we’re giving it to the other.
Junior girl #1: Why?
Kaitlyn: Because you get sooo skinny when you get mono! It’s, like, the best way to lose weight!
Junior girl #1: Oh.
–Dining hall of private school
Hipster girl #1: I’ve never seen a fat midget.
Hipster girl #2: Oh, god, who would ever want to see a fat midget?! I’m sure they don’t exist.
–1st Ave, between 12th & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
Skinny jerk: Yeah, so she’s about a buck ten now, five foot two.
Fat jerk: Oh, that’s great.
Skinny jerk: Yeah, but I had to beat it out of her.
Fat jerk: [Stares.]Skinny jerk: How much do you weigh now?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 14th & 6th
Overheard by: Shusha
Girl: I always get suspicious when I see hot, thin moms with fat little daughters, because you know they’re making them fat so that they don’t turn out hotter than them.
Guy: What?
Girl: I’m serious, I’ve seen it happen! You know that’s what Christine’s mom did to her.
–E train
Overheard by: Dness
Ice cream vendor: Why don’t you go for it? You are eating for two!
Woman: I am not eating for two.
–Union Square Farmer’s Market
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
College guy #1: So I was hooking up with her–
College guy #2: –Dude, she’s kinda…
College guy #1: She’s not that fat! She’s average! I mean, she doesn’t outweigh me or anything.
College guy #2: Dude, if you have to convince yourself that she’s not fat, she’s too fat.
–American Eagle, Union Square
Man: I’m trying to work out to drop some weight.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend and I been goin’ to the gym to make our booties clap.
Man: Aw, yeah?
Lady: You know, makin’ em clap, gettin’ ’em right.
Man: Yeah, like, I seen this girl on TV — I think her name is Tastee…
Lady: That girl from Flavor of Love?
Man: No, not Toastee — like, a real girl, named Tastee. Her booty makes a sound like [claps his hands loudly three times]. It, like, smacks itself.
Lady: Damn.
–Rite Aid, Grand & Clinton
Overheard by: Beth P.
30-ish man: I’m getting fat and going bald. These are the number one and number two things that men fear.
30-ish lady: What about impotence and gay?
30-ish man: Okay, then — numbers three and four.
–70th & Broadway
30-ish lady: So, Laura isn’t really comfortable with her body, and let me tell you — she shouldn’t be! I mean, I’ve never been small, but she is just sloppy chubby, you know?
30-ish friend: Ouch! But yeah, I see what you mean.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Puking girl: At least I’m getting rid of calories.
Friend helping her: That’s right.
Puking girl: And I don’t like calories.
–Pier 60, Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: gleebster
