Girls

Girl #1: I see them. They’re waiting for us. Do you think they can see us?
Girl #2: Oh, no, he’s calling me! What do I do? I’m not answering. Let’s just wait for them to leave.
Girl #3: Didn’t he say there was going to be a group of them? There’s only three.
Girl #2: I know! And his friend isn’t even there. He said he was coming. He said he was going to give my number to his friend, too. He totally scumbagged him! We’re not going over there.
Girl #1: At least we are warm.
Girl #2: They’re wearing khakis. This guy is so sneaky.
Girl #3: They’re coming this way!
Girl #1: They’re coming in!
Girl #2: Oh, shit! What do I do?! This guy is such a loser. I know it’s mean, but what he’s doing is f’ed up. His friend was standing there when I gave my number. He was really cute and funny. [Ducks as guys enter.]Girl #1, whispering: They’re headed over here.
Girl #2: Hey! How are you? We were just on our way over!
Creepy guy: Hey, thought you weren’t coming. It’s hug time! Get over here!

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: L.C.

Girl: I always get suspicious when I see hot, thin moms with fat little daughters, because you know they’re making them fat so that they don’t turn out hotter than them.
Guy: What?
Girl: I’m serious, I’ve seen it happen! You know that’s what Christine’s mom did to her.

–E train

Overheard by: Dness

Dude: So you’re upset?
Chick: No, not any more. He just said something about Azerbaijan and I got sort of temporarily angry.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Abram

Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!

–59th & Columbus

Girl #1: I think I have to stop eating cheese.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I get this really awful nasal drip and it makes me cough so bad that sometimes I even throw up!
Girl #2: That happens because of cheese?
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s also because of drinking and smoking… But I can figure out other ways to eat, but I don’t know how else to get fucked up!

–Stir Cafe

Overheard by: Tom Banjo

Sexy blonde: My doctor said that you are supposed to poop at least once a day.
Sexy brunette: Shit! I ain’t pooped in a week!

–Grand St

Overheard by: Les Chinatown

Young girl #1: Ugh! I hate parasites!
Young girl #2: Word.

–487 Hudson St

Hot girl #1: Oh my god! He spent the night last night?! Did you have sex?!
Hot girl #2: No, no sex.
Hot girl #1: Well, did you touch his penis?
Hot girl #2: Well, yeah… With my mouth.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Chick #1: I wonder why they call it TP-ing a house…
Chick #2: Maybe it stands for ‘toilet paper.’
Chick #1: That doesn’t make any sense!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kirby J

Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.

–N train

Overheard by: Shannon

Headline by: chris s.

Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86

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