Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Drunk hobo to pretty girl: You are not pretty, you are not beautiful, and no one likes you.
Pretty girl, after hobo leaves train: Why do I live in this city?!
–4 train
Guy: … And I had a really weird dream last night.
Girl: Oh, yeah? About what?
Guy: Mass murder.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Taking the stairs next time
20-something to friend: … And she said, ‘Twenty dollars? She offered me 20 dollars for bills after staying with me for a whole month? I’d wipe my ass with that 20-dollar bill!’
Hobo: One 20-dollar bill ain’t enough for that huge ass!
–23rd & 5th
Chick #1: He was being all flirty and nice and asked me to meet him out dancing.
Chick #2: He is so cute. What did you say?
Chick #1: Hell no. He’s married. I heard that and ran like a hooker from the cops…
–A train
Overheard by: Jim W.
Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!
–36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peter Persico
Girl #1: You’re kind of a hipster.
Girl #2: Oh, so I’m a hipster?!
Girl #1: Well, yeah, but you’re a good hipster.
Girl #2: So, I’m not the wicked hipster of the West?
Girl #1: No, you’re the good hipster of the East, or whatever.
Girl #2: … You don’t know what you’re talking about!
–25th & Broadway
Overheard by: laurie
Spanish chick #1: He look good. You think you gonna give him your number?
Spanish chick #2: Nuh-uh. Not with his teeth lookin’ like he been eatin’ rocks.
–E train
Overheard by: JK
Girl #1, sniffing: Do you smell maple syrup?
Girl #2: You mean that urine stench?
Girl #1: Oh, I guess that’s it.
–A train, 96th St
Drunk girl: I was watching 300 the other day, and you know what I realized?
Sober girl: What?
Drunk girl: That I want to be the Queen of Sparta.
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Lisa
Chick #1 on cell: I mean, have you ever shaved your pussy and then a couple of nights later you can’t sleep because it itches so bad?
Chick #2: Um, hello, we can all hear you.
Chick #1 to #2: Well, has it ever happened to you?
Chick #2: Well, yeah, but I don’t tell the whole subway.
–F train
Overheard by: You have now
