Southern tourist chick: I thought this city was supposed to be diverse. I haven’t seen the first Mexican or Mexican restaurant yet.
Southern tourist guy: I think it’s a different kind of diverse up here, honey.
Southern tourist chick: Well, all I know is that I want Mexican and there ain’t no place to get it.
–59th & 5th
Overheard by: Jonathan
Suit on cell: Well, I’m in Barnes and Noble right now, actually [picks up skin care product]. Well, I was thinking about getting the Bill Clinton book…
–Sephora, Union Square
Dude: Are those people speaking sign language? That would be really cool… Although, there wouldn’t be much point in them coming to a bookstore, unless they’re in the braille section…
–Barnes & Noble
NYU girl on cell: Ugh! He keeps giving me all these books to read, and I feel like my mind is like, ‘Okay, I get it. You’re gay and that’s fine…’ But my body’s like, ‘I don’t get it — you want me to sit on this book so you can fuck me?’
–Washington Square
Lady on cell: Is that why you mad at me? Because you can’t read? Damn!
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: sj
Young girl #1: Ugh! I hate parasites!
Young girl #2: Word.
–487 Hudson St
Guy #1: Man, I don’t know what to do! I can’t get rid of my crazy ex! We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I told her, ‘I don’t want to see you or speak to you any more,’ and she said, ‘I’m going to make your life miserable.’ Then she had the audacity to send my current girlfriend a message on Facebook saying, ‘We need to talk’ and asked my current girlfriend to call her. Then, a few weeks later, she shows up at my office. And just this week she send me a text saying, ‘I know we’re not speaking, but do you want to come out to dinner with me and meet my mom?’ What do I do?!
Guy #2: Oh my god, restraining order?!
Guy #1: And the sad part is that she has a dating column!
Guy #2: You mean she is giving other people dating advice?
Guy #1: Yup.
–Union Square
Wailing little kid in leggings: I hate my life! I hate my life!
–N 4th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Alison
Small chick to big guy: What? Hold it. Stop — you just told me that you hate all of my favorite fruits…
–Orchard & Delancey, LES
Dude to chick: The only reason I like you is because you don’t hate me when I fart in your face.
–Hudson & Perry
Hobo: People hate each other… so they get married.
–Platform, 53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Nick
Suit: Ah, young people in love… I hate you all.
–Carl Schultz Park
Man, about inflatable rat across street: Look! They got that giant rat outside them. Nobody wants that rat.
Woman: Shit. That rat will fuck you up.
–47th & 6th
I-banker: It’s not so much finding girls — there are girls all over the place. It’s more finding girls who will have sex with you.
–52nd & 2nd
Overheard by: NCS
Dude on cell: Yeah, I got this boy here — he’s been celibate for two years. He likes Latin girls. Do you have any?
–Tattoo parlor, 6th Ave, near W 4th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Queer on cell: God, it’s like he’s so busy being transgender he’s got no time for sex anymore. [In a falsetto] Oh, call me ‘Meghan’ from now on. [Normal voice] Fuck that! I’m gay for a reason, you know?
–13th & 6th
Teenybopper: Ugh, I was such a prude in fifth grade.
–Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope
Overheard by: Ruby
Blonde: So, I told him for months that this was my weekend.
Brunette: Our weekend.
Blonde: Right, my weekend. So his parents are coming to help him move into his new apartment, and is it bad if I don’t help and I go to the Hamptons instead?
Brunette: No. Did he say anything to make you think that?
Blonde: No, I thought of it on my own.
Brunette: You look super tan.
Blonde: Thanks!
–Equinox gym
Subway preacher: There is only one way to heaven, and it is by the son of god. You must repent or you will be damned…
Guy just getting on train, seeing preacher: Oh, fuck no. I don’t need this in my life today! [Walks off train.]Subway preacher: You must repent if you will be saved…
–1 train
Overheard by: Nathan
Girl: Oh my god, I love bridges. They are so useful!
Boy: Oh, don’t even get me started on bridges…
–Coney Island
