Teen girl: I was worried it had rabies or something. But seriously, how cool would it be if I got to go back to Tennessee and say I’d been mauled by a squirrel while I was in New York?
Mom: Well, we’ve got health insurance now, so you go ahead and give it another shot. I’ll get it on video.
–Isham & Cooper
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Dude #1: Alright, guys, I gotta get home.
Dude #2: Keep your butthole tight.
Dude #3: I’ll pray for you.
Dude #1: I think I’ll be okay. I ate that stuff with the seaweed in it.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Duzen
Headache medicine flyer girl: Sir, do you have a headache?
Suit: Not yet.
–Hoboken PATH station
Overheard by: Bo
Girlfriend: I was so sick yesterday until I finally went to the doctor.
Boyfriend: Oh, no! What was wrong?
Girlfriend: Well, um, you’ll find out anyway… I had a UTI. I mean, it’s not an STD, but you can get it from sex…
Boyfriend: But we haven’t been doing it that much!
–1 train
Girl #1: There’s something wrong with my tail bone…
Girl #2: Yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah, actually — there’s a scrape on it.
Girl #2: Um, really?
Girl #1: Yeah, and I really can’t figure out how it happened! I’ve been wearing pants everywhere I go…
–Prospect Park
Dude: So, did you go out with that guy last night?
Chick: Yeah, he was nice. I mean, he had scabies, but he was really nice.
–A train
Overheard by: erin
Dude #1: The doctor said that I should stop finding blood in my piss within the next week if I keep taking this shit he prescribed.
Dude #2: That’s cool. Did you get to show him the tattoo on your dick?
Dude #1: Nah… I told him about it, though.
–6 train
Preggers: I’ve had the worst shooting pain in my stomach since last week.
Husband: Maybe we should go to the ER right now.
Preggers: No way. I’ll go after the movie.
–Loews
Overheard by: Mariam
Catholic school girl #1: Stop itching it!
Catholic school girl #2: I just can’t help it — it hurts. I’m having serious bowel problems!
–N train
Overheard by: stephanie
Junior girl #1: I know! So many people are getting mono now — it’s ridiculous.
Junior girl #2: I know! Kaitlyn and I agreed that if one of us gets it, we’re giving it to the other.
Junior girl #1: Why?
Kaitlyn: Because you get sooo skinny when you get mono! It’s, like, the best way to lose weight!
Junior girl #1: Oh.
–Dining hall of private school
