Mother: Put your shirt back on, or I won’t take you bowling.
Son: Am I funny, Mom?
Mother: No, honey, you’re strange… like that homeless man there.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ed
Mother: Put your shirt back on, or I won’t take you bowling.
Son: Am I funny, Mom?
Mother: No, honey, you’re strange… like that homeless man there.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ed
Subway entrepreneur: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am homeless and in need of your assistance. If you cannot give, I will not make you feel bad. I will accept anything you can give. [Continues for five minutes, ignored.] Ain’t nobody gonna give? Y’all just a bunch of cheap-ass motherfuckers! [Disembarks.]Sincere child: I thought he said he wouldn’t make us feel bad.
–Myrtle Ave stop
Overheard by: Confused Commuter
Homeless woman: I’ve had a hard life. Just yesterday I was raped on the subway…
Man: Quit complaining! [Car laughs.]
–1 train
Panhandler: I scored 50 bucks off those assholes today.
Drug dealer: Sweet. You wanna buy some pot?
Panhandler: Yup. Gimme 50 bucks worth.
–St. John’s Pl & Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who always suspected this
Conductor: Please sit up.
Bag lady lying across several seats, staring at lights: Why won’t everyone leave me alone? [Begins loud, incoherent screaming.]Conductor, backing away slowly: Okay, never mind.
Bag lady, to passenger: So, I tied him up. I gave him a Viagra, and I rode him for seven hours. And that’s why I look like this.
–A train
Overheard by: Urban Cowboy
Tourist dad: Kids, you have pay attention when we’re in the big city, ’cause…
Daughter: ‘Cause if you don’t you die?
Dad: No, you could get lost and then you’ll become a street person.
–Central Park South
Hobo to male passerby: Spare change? Anything helps — God bless.
Passerby: Get a job.
Hobo: Get on your knees and give me a job!
–72nd & Broadway
Princess: So are you, like, bored?
Man: No. I’m homeless.
Princess: Oh!
–Port Authority
Hobo #1: Bitches is crazy, crazy. Had no choice but to fuck that squirrel.
Hobo #2: Nooo, nooo.
Hobo #1: Yup, yup. That squirrel was worth five cents.
Hobo #2: Nooo, I’ll tell you how much that squirrel was worth. $15.98.
–St. Johns Pl, Park Slope
Hobo: I want to cum on your face.
Young woman: Uhhh… Well, at least he’s being up-front — putting all the cards on the table. I guess I respect that.
–27th & 10th
Overheard by: Julia C
