Four-year-old boy: There are too many people on the train. Someone needs to get off.
Mom: Who needs to get off?
Four-year-old boy: Us!
–A train
Overheard by: otilio
Four-year-old boy: There are too many people on the train. Someone needs to get off.
Mom: Who needs to get off?
Four-year-old boy: Us!
–A train
Overheard by: otilio
Conductor: People, the train is too crowded… Just like OJ — if you can’t fit, you must quit.
–6 train
Mom to kid: Say, ‘Excuse me,’ and if they don’t move, then you can push them out of the way ’cause you said ‘excuse me.’
–Crowded D train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: teany
Crushed geriatric lady: If this train were anymore crowded you could get pregnant!
–3 train
Overheard by: glad i’m on the pill
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, as I said before, this train is overcrowded. I am very attractive, but there are other attractive conductors on the train behind this one.
–6 train
Man, to his six-year-old child: You can push through the crowd, okay? Just watch your face.
–Train at 57th & 7th
Male conductor over the speakers: This is the express train! Next stop: Roosevelt Avenue.
Female conductor over the speakers: Shit, this is the express?!
–E train, Queens Plaza station
Girl maker-outer, pulling away: Why you so ugly?
Guy maker-outer: Don’t you worry ’bout that, baby. [They continue making out.]
–F train
Overheard by: steph
Conductor: The train is crowded. Please — arms, legs, bags, coats, hats, scarves — pull them in. I cannot close the doors.
Dude: You know it’s someone’s ass…
–1 train
Overheard by: wasn’t my ass
Queer #1: In Japan they have all these boy bands, and they all come out of this, like, big boy band academy. It’s like a school.
Queer #2: God. Wouldn’t it be great if they gave tours?
Queer #1: We could Google it.
–R train
Angry, sweaty man pushing through crowd: Come on, move in! There’s a lot of room in the middle!
Calm man: There’s also a lot of dreams in this world.
–2 train, 34th St
Overheard by: mf
Headline by: CVK
Runners-Up:
· “The Buddha Grows Up” – Barry P.
· “Both Require That Someone Else Gives a Fuck” – Rick Felice
· “Crowds to the Left Of Me, Dreamers to the Right, Here I Am” – Golf Widow
· “The Alternative Martin Luther King Speech” – Peter Madsen
· “Well, Get Them the Hell Out Of My Way!” – Jo
Young man: So, since you last saw me, I’ve decided to become a vegetarian.
Young girl: What’s that? Like fish or somethin’?
–F train
Overheard by: kathy iandoli
Girl #1, head in hands: So, like I was saying…
Girl #2: Oh, yeah, so why doesn’t he want to fuck anymore?
Girl #3: Oh, yeah, he totes found your vibrator.
Girl #1: How the hell did you know?
–1 train
Chick #1: He was being all flirty and nice and asked me to meet him out dancing.
Chick #2: He is so cute. What did you say?
Chick #1: Hell no. He’s married. I heard that and ran like a hooker from the cops…
–A train
Overheard by: Jim W.
