Lady: It’s freezing out. Is the weather cold like this in Korea? [Manicurist is silent.] Hello? Is it this cold in Korea? … Does she speak English?
Manicurist: I’m Chinese.
Lady: Oh, well, I eat a lot of Chinese vegetables.
–Nail salon, Queens
Overheard by: Risa
Girlfriend to boyfriend trying to stick trash down her pants: That’s not a garbage can!
–48th St, Sunnyside, Queens
Black guy #1 walking behind a lady with kid: Damn! I didn’t know white women had butts like our black women.
Black guy #2: Me neither.
–Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: nycgal
Man with kid: So, that day I was holding my dog and walking down the stairs when all of a sudden I just fell… And guess what?! My dog landed flat on my face! His ass was on my face! His ass!
Friend: Ummm…
–Springfield, Queens
Preppy girl #1: What’s the difference between men’s shaving cream and women’s shaving cream?
Preppy girl #2: Um… I think it’s a different chemical reaction or something.
–CVS, Willets Pt & Francis Lewis Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Jackie R.
Seven-year-old boy holding single color construction paper: Dad, we need to get this.
Father: You’re gonna need more colors than that. There are a lot of planets, and they’re all different colors.
Nine-year-old daughter: Well, we don’t need to worry about Pluto. It’s not a planet anymore.
Father: How can it not be a planet anymore? What, did Superman fly out there and blow it up?
–Michael’s craft store, Northern Blvd, Queens
Man: You know that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, right?
Six-year-old boy: No, he does exist. When I wrote him a letter and asked him for pink Plush Puppies, I got them on Christmas.
Man: Dude, then you are a serious homosexual. What kind of boy asks for pink Plush Puppies?
–Rockaway
Overheard by: Bully
Granny: Be careful!
Man jaywalking with several bags in hand: Ma, I know how to walk the streets in New York. [Car comes to screeching halt in front of him and honks. Man yells to driver] Fuck you! [To granny] See, I’m fine.
–Main St, Flushing
Overheard by: a fully certified ny pedestrian
Young thug #1: Man, you ain’t got no girl.
Young thug #2: I do, too, man.
Young thug #3: You mean that 13-year-old I saw with you the other day?
Young thug #2: She’s 16, man, and I just forgot her name.
–180th & 90th, Jamaica, Queens
Overheard by: Mehdi Hasan Sheikh
Loud girl: Get the fuck up.
Bewildered man: Huh?
Loud girl: You heard me, get the fuck up! Don’t you see that I’m a lady? Give me your damn seat, motherfucker! I’m a fucking lady. You’re supposed to give me your seat.
Bewildered man: Fuck you, bitch!
–Q10 bus, Queens
Overheard by: SarahJ
