Boyfriend, looking at body pillow: Aw, man! I should totally get this!
Girlfriend: Why would you get that? We’re moving in together in like a year. We’ll be sharing a bed with each other.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I can do things to this pillow that I can’t do to you!
–Target, Queens Center Mall
Thugette #1: What’s it gonna be, girl? The dick or the blood?
Thugette #2: The blood, girl. It’s always the blood!
–Queens Library, Jamaica
Overheard by: Whatthefuckaretheytalkingabout?
College girl #1: I don’t understand you! How can you watch that movie for five hours! They barely even kiss!
College girl #2: You want them to throw down and have sex? It was 1811! There was no sex!
–Kissena Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. Darcy
Ghetto chick #1 in crowd: Where you going?
Ghetto chick #2: To get me some dick.
–Utopia Pkwy & Horace Harding Expwy
Overheard by: Audra
Man #1: How was last night?
Man #2: I shot so much cum in her mouth it looked like her teeth were melting.
Man #1: Okay.
–Queens Library
Teen girl: Did you know it’s not Brooklyn-Queens Day anymore? Now all of the city gets off from school.
Little brother: It’s because the other boroughs got jealous.
–Alley Pond Park, Queens
Overheard by: Rebecca
Big black woman to son: I’m gonna smack you so hard, you’re gonna taste it!
Son, wailing: I don’t want to taste it!
Passerby: I don’t want to taste it either.
–74th St-Roosevelt Ave station
Geek: I feel like a douche.
Chick: Seriously, if you ever feel like a dork go to any Blockbuster, look at the employees, and you’ll see how cool you are.
–31st & 21st
Overheard by: deltachub
Father: Look at this — the bottle is sweating!
Six-year-old girl: It’s condensation, Dad.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: GL
