Sensory Experiences

Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.

–E Train

Overheard by: dru

Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!

–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint

Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…

–Central Park

Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Overheard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Guy #1: Do you want to go here or Houlihan’s?
Guy #2: I went to Houlihan’s and it smelled like butthole.
Guy #1: Okay.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Clarktadd

Girlfriend: I'm not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What's wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

(scary looking man scratching balls waiting to cross the street with a four-year-old in one hand. Little boy copies his daddy in scratching his balls)
Little boy: Ouch! It hurts!
Scary man: That's cause you're not doing it right.

–E.16th St, Brooklyn

Boyfriend, racing down the stairs: Oh crap, is that the train? Please not the d, please let it not be the d, please let it not be the fucking d!
Girlfriend, thoughtfully: Well, it doesn't sound like the d…

–34th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Group of boys: Ewww!
Boy: Let me eat it!


Overheard by: doesn't want to know what was eaten

Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!

–Amy's Bread

Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.

–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.

–F Train