Sensory Experiences

Wednesday One-Liners Worry That Trucker Hats May Be Out

Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.

–E Train

Overheard by: dru

Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!

–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint

Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…

–Central Park

Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Overheard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Only When I Went Into the Bathroom and Did Contortions, Though

Guy #1: Do you want to go here or Houlihan’s?
Guy #2: I went to Houlihan’s and it smelled like butthole.
Guy #1: Okay.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Clarktadd

Who'll Have the Last Laugh When the Messiah Pops Out?

Girlfriend: I'm not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What's wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

This Secret Art Is Passed from Father to Son

(scary looking man scratching balls waiting to cross the street with a four-year-old in one hand. Little boy copies his daddy in scratching his balls)
Little boy: Ouch! It hurts!
Scary man: That's cause you're not doing it right.

–E.16th St, Brooklyn

The Train Whisperer Was Canceled After Only One Episode

Boyfriend, racing down the stairs: Oh crap, is that the train? Please not the d, please let it not be the d, please let it not be the fucking d!
Girlfriend, thoughtfully: Well, it doesn't sound like the d…

–34th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Or at Least Lick It Experimentally

Group of boys: Ewww!
Boy: Let me eat it!

–LIRR

Overheard by: doesn't want to know what was eaten

And It's Made from Concentrate— Bwahaha!

Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!

–Amy's Bread

I Think I've Realized What I Want for Dessert

Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.

–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

…Since You Pooped in It

Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.

–F Train

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