Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing.

–Court St & 2nd Place

Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!

–23rd & 7th

Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!

–Hudson River Bike Path

Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream.

–NYU Dorm, Union Square

Overheard by: Erica Fuld

Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina!

–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave

Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Hudson River, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I'm Wet and I Feel Guilty About It

Woman #1: It smells like church in here.
Woman #2: It really does!

–Elevator, Varick St

Posted on September 3, 2022
Church, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Sensory Experiences, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

If You've Ever Had Kimchi, You'd Understand.

Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It's downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!

–Canal St

Overheard by: InShock

Posted on July 20, 2022
Asians, Directions, Old People, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Tourists

There Must Be a Cum-Smelling Person Following Me Around

Preppy girl #1: Is it just me, or does it smell like cum?
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I guess…
Preppy girl #1: Good, I've been smelling it all day.

–N Train

Posted on July 14, 2022
Cum, On the Subway, Preppies, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Kind of Like the Ocean

Good looking Italian guy, chatting: I was changing the oil on my car. I figure it's going to shoot out so I put the pail like a foot away. I turned the knob and…whush…all over me…my clothes.
Chubby friend: Good thing you didn't get it in your mouth.
Italian guy: It doesn't taste that bad.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Sibyl

Posted on May 3, 2022
Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Default, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Italians, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences

Can We Just Agree That Suits Are a Bad Idea in the Summer?

20-something suit #1: No undershirt?
20-something suit #2: The undershirt will just make me hotter.
20-something suit #1: Dude, you should wear an undershirt so you don't sweat like a fat ho at the Ponderosa.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on April 26, 2022
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Shouldn't We Be Dancing on a Bar Somewhere?

Girl #1: I feel weird today.
Girl #2: Me too.
Girl #1: I feel like I'm single again.
Girl #2 (squealing excitedly): Me too!

–N Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on April 1, 2022
Girls, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, NYC Geography, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Can’t Promise They’re Razorblade-Free, Though

Two-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m hungry.
Young mother: Okay honey, do you want some animal crackers when we get home?
Two-year-old boy: (sighs deeply) Okayyy, are they organic?
Young mother: Oh, of course they are! (hugs him reassuringly).

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: Miki

Posted on December 28, 2021
Boys, Default, Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Sensory Experiences