Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Professor: I just think of this class as 40 days in a row and then it’s over. Like the Jews in Egypt.
Student: It was 40 years.
Professor: 40 years, 40 days. Same difference.
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Sophomore girl #1: Did you hear Matt and Derek are going out now?
Sophomore girl #2: No way! I totally gave Matt his first blow job. He can't be gay! (pauses) Oh my god! Do you think I turned him gay?
Passing junior guy: Yeah, that'd do it.
High School
Annapolis, Maryland
Roomie #1: I wonder what ever happened to James*. I mean, we haven’t seen him since fifth grade. I hope he’s not in a mental home or something — him and his weird mom. Maybe he’s finally doing what he’s always wanted to do: work with dinosaurs.
Roomie #2: Yeah, or living with them.
Roomie #1: That is sooo true.
Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: i love dinosaurs
Student: I have that song “Ring My Bell” in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It's not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don't know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song “In the Navy.”
Advisor #2: That's not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
Chick in hoodie: I think they prefer to be called “little people.”
Preppy guy: When you're hiring them for a sex act I'm pretty sure it's okay to call them midgets.
Landmark Diner
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Student to friend: When she painted the banana, or vice-versa.
Colby-Sawyer College
New Hampshire
Overheard by: J.McC
Teacher: You can use stethoscopes to listen to water in trees. You should listen to thin trees and trees with less bark.
Student: Should it be hardwood or softwood?
Teacher: Softwood. You can't beat softwood.
Classroom
Alexandria, Virginia
Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
