Toddler in stroller: Fuck you! Hahaha! Fuck you! Hahaha!
Tourist mom: Did that baby just say ‘fuck you’? This is the tenth time we’ve been to the city, and I’ve never seen anything that odd.
Tourist daughter: We are on Canal Street, Mom.
Tourist mom: This is very true. Way to go, stroller kid! Yeah!
–Canal St station
Overheard by: AldaRin
Queer #1: Oh my god! You know that rat?
Queer #2: What rat?
Queer #1: You know — Mike’s rat — the one that sings “New York, New York.”
Queer #2: Oh! That rat! I love that rat! [Begins singing “New York, New York.”]
–Broadway platform, N train, Astoria
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Southern woman pointing at rat on tracks: Look, it’s going to get run over! I’ve never seen a rat on the tracks before! [Pointing at holes in the track wall] Look, they made homes for the rats!
Local guy: Those are for ventilation.
–14th St station
Overheard by: Jennifer
Guy: You’re getting fat.
Girl: You’re just saying that ’cause you’re getting fat.
Guy: No way. You’ve definitely put on weight.
Girl: You can’t say shit like that to a woman.
Guy: You’re not a woman, you’re my sister.
–Houston & Lafayette platform
Queer tourist: What are your favorite places to go?
Local girl: I love the Met.
Queer tourist: What is that?
Local girl: The greatest art museum. It is so amazing.
Queer tourist: So, there’s art there?
Local girl: Um, yeah. It’s an art museum.
Queer tourist: So, it’s all art?
–R train platform, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Why do people get glass eyes? Can you see out of them?
Girl #2: No, I don’t think so.
Girl #1: Then what’s the point?
–34th St station
Foreign tourist: Do you know if this train goes to Madison Square Garden?
MTA worker: Madison Square Garden? Whaaat? No… Madison Square Garden is in New York City. You’re in the wrong city, guys. [Foreign tourists look at each other, panicking.] Must have taken the wrong train gettin’ here, huh?
Foreign tourists hesitate, then run to catch up to MTA worker: How do we get back to New York?!
–Whitehall station
Overheard by: dan.j.w.
Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.
–6 train station
Overheard by: Annie
Coworker #1: Is it just me, or are the rats in New York getting smaller? Seriously!
Coworker #2: Maybe you’re just getting bigger.
–D train platform, Rockefeller Center
Guy #1: I’ve been playing the guitar for years.
Guy #2: You play guitar like Bette Midler has sex.
Guy #1: Fuck you.
–86th & Lex platform
Overheard by: Mikey P.
