Black guy: Man, Asia and Africa is totally disinterconnected!
–E train
Guy on cell: She has no idea I’ve been on steroids all week!
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Bria Dunham
Black guy: Man, Asia and Africa is totally disinterconnected!
–E train
Guy on cell: She has no idea I’ve been on steroids all week!
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Bria Dunham
Man on cell: Is your vagina swelled to the same degree as my penis is swelled?
–Union Square
Overheard by: SayWhhhaat
40-ish guy on cell: So, did she show you her vagina?
–43rd & 3rd
Black guy on cell: This is why I never beg for pussy!
–Spring St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B
Girl: My vagina is the Lincoln Tunnel.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Jason Kruta
13-year-old boy to teen girl: I mean, the pussy’s good, but it ain’t that good.
–Jamaica-bound E train
Overheard by: Rhonda hearts Queens
Chick on cell: I don’t know why I listened to you. It hurt. A lot. My vagina feels like it’s on fire. I’m never doing that again.
–92nd & 3rd
Girl: I can’t complain because we’re not married — then I can complain all I want.
–Iron Sushi
14-year-old girl to mom: If you had married that other guy I would have been so much taller!
–70th & Lex
Overheard by: Evelyn
Hobo to bystander: You’re gonna marry a woman and not know she’s a government agent? How retarded can you get?!
–Queens-bound V train
Chick: What you’re saying is, he couldn’t afford the wastebasket so he got a wife?
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
20-ish chick on cell: I don’t care! He has chubby fingers… I’m still not going to marry him.
–97th & Broadway
Professor: Will you marry me?! Your father is dead!
–NYU
Teen girl to mom: Here, this is what you need [points to Sex for Dummies book].
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Girl: I read all of the gossip magazines, but I should probably read the Wall Street Times.
–Chelsea Piers
Bimbette: Like, why would you stay home and read when there’s so much other stuffs to do?
–89th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ben A
Chick: Do you have Dante’s Inferno? I don’t know the author…
–Strand Bookstore
Dude on cell: Yeah, I’m just buying a book ’cause I got bored. Then I’m going back to finish my Bloody Mary.
–Burgen & Flatbush
Scholar: Brooklyn is the Paris of New York.
–Grand Army Plaza Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ivel
Crazy: Fuck Brooklyn! I can pay for Brooklyn on any other day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not going to Brooklyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wherever we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you people. Except you, Jew. I love you.
–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Girl: I just don’t like living in Brooklyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.
–Tenacious D album signing, Virgin Megastore
Guy: Sobriety is my back, I am the camel, and Brooklyn is the straw.
–A/C/E subway platform, Lower West Side
Overheard by: Magaret
Lady: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brooklyn in there.
–15th St & Union Square West
Woman: He read a book on fisting, and now he wants to share it with his class.
–L train
Dude: They should have made Beowulf into a book — they would have made a lot more money.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: LetheaBu
Girl: It used to be the only reason I liked Anna Quindlen was ’cause she was blind. Now it’s like, ‘Dude, she can read?!’
–Barnard College
NYU bimbette to studious friend: Your problem is that you read for all your classes. Sobriety and scholarly. Those are your problems.
–Starbucks, W 4th St
Overheard by: wine girl
Nine-year-old girl: I forgot my book, and I was supposed to do a report on it! Now what am I going to do?! I’m so senile.
–JFK
Overheard by: mr itchie
Book-hawking hobo: … And this is my new book, ‘If You Don’t Beat Your Children, They’ll End Up Like Me’!
–6 train
Overheard by: Zarek
Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.
–6th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Alicia
Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Original Badass
Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!
–A Train
Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.
–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball
Overheard by: pandarants
Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.
–2nd St & Ave B
Father to daughter: Girl, whatchu doing? You tryin’a go to cross the bridge? You tryin’a go to Brooklyn? You want some cheesecake? Some crack?
–Centre St & Park Row
Overheard by: Barry P.
NYU social planner: I wanted to get all the freshmen out of the city for a little so I took them to Brooklyn.
–Main Building, NYU
Girl on cell: I’m not going to Brooklyn sober!
–12th & Broadway
Woman on cell: So are you in town this weekend or in Brooklyn?
–39th & 8th
Overheard by: The Lovely Miss Katie
Chick: Do you know the rules for being in Brooklyn?
–Law office, 54th & 5th
Overheard by: The legal intern
Bill Batson: It’s like the Native Americans all over again. Brooklynites, we’re indigenous. And now Manhattan wants Manifest Destiny.
–Vanderbilt & Dekalb, Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer
Little boy: I’m not going to Brooklyn! It’s stupid!
–110th & Broadway
Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Jared
Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: tin steve
Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…
–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square
Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.
–2 train, 72nd St
Overheard by: Brett
Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.
–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx
Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.
–Hoboken PATH Station
Overheard by: Seph
Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’
–Bedford Ave
Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mish
Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.
–5th Ave & Union
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: colette
Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Overheard by: Wendy Booz
