Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Let’s Face Wednesday One-liners

Girl: …and I was crying! Because he told me I was so ugly. But then he said he was just being honest…

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Domi

Guy: Hey Dave, remember the last time we were here, that security guard came up to you and asked if you needed medical attention because he assumed you got hit in the mouth with a baseball?

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Michael Bull

Cop: You couldn’t suck hard enough to give her a hickey. All the stubble broke the suction.

–30th & 7th

Teenage boy: Honestly! Why would anyone put spermicide on their face?

–Bank Street

Overheard by: Jon Gordon

Mother: I can’t believe you like how Robin’s face looks. It doesn’t look like she’s wearing any makeup! She needs to wear makeup.

–Sephora, 5th Avenue

Wednesday One-liners Have Some Class

Chick: This is the same boy who used to lick champagne massage oil off of my naked tits, and now he’s writing three page long internet odes to Ronald Reagan?

–171st & Broadway

Overheard by: Djlindee

Girl: Man if I had money, I’d be a classy bitch!

–Mona’s, Avenue B

Overheard by: Simon Mason

Guy on cell: I smoke weed, work, go to school, and fuck bitches. That’s what I do, man.

–18th between 5th and 6th

Guy: I got a great e-mail from my friend the other day. It said, “Let’s steal something. Call me.”

–Old Town Bar, 18th Street

Overheard by: LMF

Chick: It’s amazing how much more tip you’ll get if you let them fondle your nipples for a little.

–Soho party

Suit: You tell him I don’t spend $4 million on a piece of shit! You tell him to shut the fuck up…in a nice way.

–38th & 7th

Overheard by: Krados

Man on cell: Fuck you! I have a website you can go to, it’s called www.getbitchslappedyoufuckingbitch.com. Or how about www.fuckthisshityoufuckingwhore.net.com?

–54th between 8th & Broadway

Mom: Come on now, we going outside, you can do it there, OK?…He was gonna pee-pee right here on the step. Fuck that!

–137th Street station

Overheard by: Amanda Nazario

Wednesday One-liners Know Their Maps

Chick on phone: Where is Argentina?…Is there a beach?

–Madison Avenue office

Tourist guy: You know, for such a big city, it’s funny that New York has no rivers.

–Q train

Overheard by: Eva D

Navy lady: So he tried to tell me that this was the Empire State Building, but it’s Trump Tower!

–Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-liners Hate Those Big Corporations

British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s.

–27th Street office

Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!

–76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chella

Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?”

–Times Square

Let’s Move Some Wednesday One-liners Product

California chick: I was doing ketchup commercials in fourth grade; imagine where I could be now.

–Gatsby’s, Spring Street

DVD bootlegger: Counterfeit? How can these be counterfeit products if they haven’t even made the real ones yet?

–34th & 7th

Girl: Ohmigod! She keeps sending me tea! She’ll send me tea but not money! I don’t need tea! I need money! She’s freakin’ crazy!

–MailBoxes Etc., Columbus & 82nd

Overheard by: Sophia

Girl: That’s why I wanna take a business class, so my album can sell.

–BMCC

Overheard by: Goadster

Street vendor: Rims, Rims…buy some rims. Don’t have to own a car to buy rims!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer

Boy: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please? My name is Dante, and I’m not selling candy for my basketball team. I’m selling candy for myself, trying to get some cash in my pockets.

–4 train

Blockbuster girl: Well, Sideways is supposed to be totally good. It won a Grammy for Best Picture.

–Astoria Blockbuster

Overheard by: L.C.P.

Wednesday One-liners for the Fratboy

Girl: Ugh! And it smelled like a fucking frat basement in there!

–7th Street & 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Heather

Broker on cell: Less is more? Fuck that! I want it all.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Abe

Guy: You know, when I was a kid, all the little boys in the neighborhood would sit around and jerk each other off. It was always a circle jerk.

–44th & 9th

Wednesday One-liners Salute the University of New York

NYU chick on cell: You know you’re having a bad day when you break your aura.

–West 4th & Jones

Overheard by: Sam Zimman

Guy: NYU is like a disease. It’s shaping the minds of the fucking
future.

–South Street seaport

Chick on cell: Oh my god, I just totally bombed my final. But it’s not fair. It’s not my fault I got stuck in a class with all smart people. My grade’s totally going to skyrocket downwards.

–NYU, Waverly & Washington Square East

Overheard by: LMF

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”

–Central Park sailboat pond

Overheard by: Sarahvb

Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!

–Rockefeller Park

Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.

–6 train

Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia Wright

Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.

–6 train

Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.

–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.

–Times Square

Overheard by: djlindee

My Anti-drug? Wednesday One-liners

Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.

–4 train

Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Josh Mueller

Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.

–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sparkle shortz

Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: debo

Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?

–Pratt Institute

Wednesday One-liners Do Their Civic Duty

Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!

–Prospect Avenue station

Overheard by: Alison

Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Nathan Kipe

Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!

–24th & Broadway

Overheard by: Manhattman

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