Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Everything but the Bikini Wax

Queer: I just want to work on my arms. I don’t need to bother with abs — I’ll just spray them on.

–New York Sports Club, 23rd St

Lady in elevator to grandma with walker: That M.A.C Stuff is like spackle! It stays on for hours!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: nuck

Columbia co-ed: I always put on makeup when I’m drunk. It’s such a bad idea!

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: tired of Morningside Heights

Young girl: Mom, can I get my Social Studies teacher a gift? I’ma get her some lotion, ’cause she mad ashy! Yo, I ain’t even lyin’. I ain’t even lyin’…

–Steinway St, Astoria

Ghetto chick hanging up cell angrily: Great! He gone messed up my day! Now I’m definitely getting my hair and nails did!

–Wendy’s, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on September 1, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Makeup, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners: the Resurrection

Woman: She said she want to make more than 8 dollars. I said, “Honey, you ain’t makin’ no 20 dollars unless you sell drugs.”

–Bowery

Overheard by: Stephanie Emilienburg

Girl on cell: I think the truth is rotting into your brain, that’s why you’re getting migraines.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Rych

Posted on August 31, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Xenophobic Wednesday One-Liners

Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don’t wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that!

–AMC theatre, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: K Smith

Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He’s only barking because he isn’t used to seeing that kind of dog.

–Central Park

Posted on August 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Throw Their Pennies Down the Well

Dude: Man, I wish I had a doorknob.

–34th & 8th

Hustler on cell: I just wish you wasn’t being all one-track-mind-your-own-business about this.

–Chinatown

Hobo: Can anybody help a disabled Navy veteran get something to eat? If you help me buy a sandwich, you’ll get a 2007 Zagat for half price. [A suit gives him money but declines the Zagat.] Okay, but I really wish someone would buy the Zagat.

–4 train

Overheard by: Fagat

Guy on cell: You just wish you were my baby’s mama!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Hipster: … So he said, ‘I wish Jesus was alive now. I’d invite him to join MySpace.com and I’d force him to be my friend.’

–Q train crossing the East River

Overheard by: Beth Smith

Posted on August 4, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners and the Political Process

Hobo: There’s a Republican in Greenwich Village! [Sirens sound nearby.] Better watch out!

–W 12th & 8th

Overheard by: nyamelia

Excited man on cell: It’s a White House colonic!

–17th & 6th

Seven-year-old girl with silent parents: Spitzer won! Spitzer won! Spitzer won!

–8th Ave, Park Slope

20-ish guy on cell: What do you mean, ‘Bush will get re-elected in ’08’? Didn’t you go to fuckin’ grade school and learn about the two term limit on the presidency? Okay, yeah, I’ll be over for dinner tonight… Love ya, Mom! Bye!

–W 41st & 7th

Hipster dude to another: That girl told me she was a Republican, and I fucked her in the ass all night long. That was the best ass sex I ever had.

–Clinton St & 3rd Pl, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Terry

Customer: I’d like a grande hazelnut latte and a new president.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Grady

Posted on July 23, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Politics, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Will See You at the Ren Fair

Woman: She had sex with a dragon. She had sex with a dragon! I keep seeing her and wantin’ to ask, “Yo, how’s the dragon?”

–Ollie’s, 69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nick Draven

Virgin-For-Life on cell: Did you vanquish the dragon?…Yo, I told you to vanquish the dragon! Dumb ass nigga. Damn.

–Gristedes, West Village

Overheard by: KoryD

Nanny to little boy: I think each country must have its own Tooth Fairy.

–5th & President, Park Slope

Overheard by: b

Hipster on cell: It’s cooler, and you’re a vampire. Ok, I get it.

–6th St & 1st Ave

Posted on June 15, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Insults, Mysticism, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners for the Sociopaths

Teen boy: I was laughing ’cause this girl had no legs…

–175th & Ft. Washington

Latina on cell: Who died? Anna? How!? Hahaha! Finally.

–Jefferson & Wyckoff, Ridgewood

Dude: And she’s mad at me, ’cause I, like, kept telling her she sucked last week.

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: i would be too

Blonde lady: I mean, it was only fun to tease the homeless woman for so long.

–1 train

Overheard by: Ein Ladle

Suit on Blackberry: I don’t give a fuck about other countries. To be honest, I only really give a fuck about myself. Starving black kids, welfare moms… Fuckin’ A! What gives?

–12th & 4th

Overheard by: Galen

Chick: I really wish he’d lost his whole finger — that’s what he deserves.

–Whole Foods salad bar, Time Warner Center

Posted on June 8, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, One-liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

High-Motility Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: Skeet is when a man pulls out of the vagina or anus and has an orgasm on the man or woman. It’s also come to refer to the ejaculate itself.

–NYU classroom

Woman on cell: Nice. I just realized I’ve been wandering around with doughnut glaze stuck to my cheek like dried cum.

–44th & 8th

Sex ed teacher: The penis can’t urinate and, um, spermate at the same time.

–Berkeley Carroll School, Park Slope

Overheard by: i believe it’s ejaculate

Man on cell: I hired you to be a fucking porn director, not to make some artsy documentary! I mean, she’s supposed to get that on her face!

–Times Square

Woman to her Grizzly Adams-like companion: But, honey, you don’t have any sperm!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Marissa

Guy on cell: Yeah, I called the sperm bank and told them your test came back positive… Yeah, they said it was no big deal.

–114th & Amsterdam

Dude on cell: I just ordered some soup and am drinking tea, so we’re on the same page. Except about cum, it seems.

–Office, Midtown

Overheard by: Argopelter

Posted on June 1, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Food, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Medicine, Pee, Penis, Porn, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pissed About Gay Bishops

Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective.

–Downtown 2 train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from!

–Mouse House, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: LT$

Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things.

–Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus

Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you!

–Penn Station

Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.”

–Central Park

Overheard by: God would be proud

Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass!

–Court St

Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: Russell Z