Woman #1: Oh God, I think I’m getting a horrible yeast infection.
Woman #2: Making bagels down there, huh?
Woman #1: Oh no, I’m not Jewish. I’m making Irish Soda Bread.
–Penn Station
Girl #1: I have nothing green to wear on Thursday.
Girl #2: What do you mean, you don’t own any green? You’re Irish! Green is our color! Along with beer.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Christa Bramberger
Lady: You know, I heard him sing in the back room and he was like a young Clay Aiken.
–Macy’s
Guy: There’s nothing sadder than seeing an old gay woman.
–Church Street between Vesey and Barclay
Foreign art student: …so then, we are in the shower room, and you know, we start, how do you say…masturbate, and then he leaves, and I am like, “Oh my god, I really want to talk to him too!”.
–MoMA
Old man: You know it’s New York cabbies when you have aliens, automobiles, and a lot of assholes.
–Astoria
Guy: One time, I was walking down the street wearing a track suit and this blind guy was behind me and he said, “Look, it’s a zebra.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Tori Hill
Girl on cell: You want immigrants to be your maids, your cashiers…You’re not ready for immigrants to be your doctors, your lawyers….I don’t think of myself as an immigrant. I think of myself as an expatriate.
–2nd Ave. & 10th St. liquor store
Man: So Tommy’s the security guard there, and I’m in the back room sellin’ crack to him…
–34th Street Lowe’s
Man on cell: …but there are like a thousand kinds of Crest!
–Duane Reade, 23rd St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Elizabeth Rand
Chick: So when he talks about Britain, does that mean England too?
–Fordham
Overheard by: e. glass
US woman (to UK guy): You speak another language, only with American words.
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: David Grote
Guy: I drink so much coffee, that if my girlfriend gives me a blowjob she can’t sleep all night afterwards.
–Wall St. Starbucks
Black chick: It smells like the bottom of a slave ship in here.
–Sapphire Lounge, LES
Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.
–C train
Overheard by: Mickey Marx
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.
–B train
Overheard by: ed
Bible Thwacker: Have you considered turning back to Jesus?
Woman: Have you considered licking my clitoris?
–Times Square
A psychic was handing out flyers, and was rebuffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psychic, you’d know I don’t believe in that shit.
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
B&T chick: What I really liked about this guy is that he could write his name in cocaine. And underline it.
–Grand Central food court
Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus
Guy: All I want is for my relatives to die in a certain order.
–University Ave, Bronx
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Girl: We’re outside now. Now I can entertain you.
–57th & Park
Overheard by: heather
Hobo: Hey Mr. Rockafella, can you help a blackafella?
— 7th Av & W. 11th
Overheard by: Gillian Glasser
