Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor.
–South Street Seaport bar
Overheard by: Keith McCarthy
Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day.
–1 train
Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican!
–12th St. & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: Caroline N
Lady: They’ve got psychiatrists for dogs. They’ve even got their own cemeteries. They’ve got more things than kids!
–Eckerd’s, Bensonhurst
Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don’t you try it sometime?
–M14 bus
Scottish chick on cell: He’s sort of like the John Tesh of tonsils, isn’t he?
–60th & 1st
Overheard by: zunshyn
Guy: I think I know enough about compound plastic to perform basic dentistry.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway
Tech kid: I can, like, smell which microphone you’re using.
–NYU Education building, Washington Square east
Old man: I don’t even like taking the subway anymore because the tiling is so disgusting.
–28th Street station
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Guy: Every time I see him, I want to wash myself.
–South Street seaport
Queer on cell: Whores! You are W-H-O-R-E dash I-B-L-E. That’s what you are. You’re whore-ible.
–50th between 8th & 9th
Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two!
–20th Street office
Overheard by: Animal
Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones.
–North Face, 73rd & Broadway
Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife.
–1/9 train
Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Craig D
A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.
Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!
–Bay Ridge
Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?
–outside Grand Central
Overheard by: Dork
A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?
–40th & 7th
Teen girl: Yo, I heard he fucked a fat girl in Remi and she was so big he couldn’t get his arms around her!
–Astoria Dunkin’ Donuts
Overheard by: Jack
UES chick on cell: …so then he takes me to this party, where there’s all these topless chicks and crap, and I’m like, “Come on! Haven’t I stroked your ego enough?”.
–88th and Park
Overheard by: ikanread
Girl: No, I will not have anal sex with your boyfriend!
–Union Square station
Homeboy: Monkeys are just humans who don’t give a shit, that’s all I’m sayin’.
–Park Pizza, 25th St. and Park Ave.
Overheard by: Chadd Derkins
Electrician: The Velvet Underground? Yeah, they was good for a few laughs back in the day.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Michael
Dude: I definitely said, “No abortion jokes at dinner.”
–86th and 2nd
Lady: If he could fuck like he makes quesadillas, I’d be a lucky woman.
–Astoria deli
Overheard by: Stuart Bridgett
Guy on cell: True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard!
–33rd Street & Park Avenue
Overheard by: Chris D.
Hobo (to Hispanic construction workers): Remember the Alamo!
–34th & Madison Avenue
Dowager: What we really need to do is to educate these poor people so they don’t have sex. It’s the poor people who keep spreading all the STDs and the AIDS. Do you know any rich people with STDs? I didn’t think so.
–MoMA cafe
Lady #1: I can’t believe she said those things. She was so politically incorrect.
Lady #2: Well what did you expect her to say?
Lady #1: Something humanly correct.
–Shubert Theatre, 44th Street
