Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners for the Naked Cowboy

Old man on cell: Okay, well, I’m going to let you go. I’m seeing Spring Awakening, and I have to get settled and take my clothes off before the show starts.

–Eugene O’Neill Theater

Overheard by: Miki

Woman on cell: Mark, unless I undressed you, I don’t need your help!

–Outside CBS Broadcast Center, W 57th St

Fully-clothed little boy running with friend: I feel naked!

–Battery Park

Chick: You can still laugh with your shirt off.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: wondering why this even needed to be said

Banker: Hermione better nude up for the next Harry Potter.

–60 Wall St

Hoochie: Let me tell you, there is a huge difference between a generally good party and a generally good party with naked girls.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Steve

Wednesday One-Liners Carry a Union Card

Hardhat to passerby: Does this building look crooked to you?

–Construction site, 12th & 4th

Overheard by: Random Passerby

Hardhat to another: You’re everybody’s bitch, you just haven’t accepted it yet.

–PATH escalators, World Trade Center station

Overheard by: archly

Hardhat to coworkers: I’m not a monster!

–35th & Madison

Hardhat, belching loudly: There! Whaddya think of that, ya fuckin’ A-wipe?!

–Midtown

Hardhat to circle of coworkers: So, you got the sperm over here…

–Center Blvd, Long Island City

Overheard by: Sabrina

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Hadn’t Said That

Guy to girl in aisle seat: Excuse me — I think I’m inside you.

–Board plane at LaGuardia

Hot chick to friend: You have to play with it every night. Give it the attention it deserves.

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Jatmos

Conductor: If you got something sticking out, pull it all in! In the rear and the front!

–1 train

Teacher: You’ve got to stick it in the hole and twist it!

–MS 54

Overheard by: It’s not turning!

Hoochie on cell: Hi, it’s Sarah returning your call. I’m in Noho… or Soho… I don’t know what ‘ho’ I’m in…

–Broadway, between Prince & Spring

Overheard by: Not a Ho

Wednesday One-Liners Watch AZN

Teacher: So, for the most part you guys had really low participation grades. Then they made me sit through some psychology workshop entitled ‘The Asian Teen and Why They’re So Quiet.’ After that, I raised everyone’s grade.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Lady with accent, to toddler: I don’t know about Asians… He just fell over, and they don’t even care! They’re just gonna leave them there!

–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: Sydney M

White mom taking photo of Chinese seven-year-old daughter: Honey, open your eyes! Wider! Open your eyes, dear!

–Times Square

Black guy with guitar: Hey! Hey you! This song I’m gonna sing is for you, Chinese girl. [Sings] Everybody was kung fu fighting, [yells and chops the air] boom, bam! Thank you. Thank you all! I accept pennies, nickels, dimes, iPods, wallets, cellphones, sunglasses, your first born, your mama, credit cards and Asians.

–1 train

Overheard by: Brina Guild

Nerd: You can tell how good a testing location is by the ratio of people to Asians.

–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King Jr. High

Guy, regarding VA Tech: It’s not right — Asians aren’t serial killers. If they were, there wouldn’t be so many people in China. [Friends stare silently.] What? Too soon?

–NYU

Overheard by: evil new york

Breaking Windsday One-Liners

Defensive fat lady, as young guy looks accusingly at her: Oh, no, you better don’t. I saw you tilt.

–Crowded 1/9 train

Overheard by: Joseph

Happy hobo: I just farted… Yes, all by myself!

–McDonald’s

Big black guy, after someone let out very smelly fart: Well, I hope somebody feels better!

–Long line at Port Authority bus terminal

Hipster boy to friends: I mean, last night we have a conversation about how I’m not respected, and this morning I’m being farted on. Why? Why?!

–Morgan Ave stop

Wednesday One-Liners, As Seen in Playbill

Twenty-ish girl exiting theater: Ugh… It’s like getting out of prison…

–Stage door for Mary Poppins, 41st St

Angry old lady: You shouldn’t have to be distracted by all these ideas when you’re watching a play.

—Cymbeline, BAM

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Mother to child eating pizza: Eat your cereal! Do you know why I said, ‘Eat your cereal’? Because it’s a line in Mommy’s play.

–105th & Broadway

Shocked lady fanning herself after first act of Spring Awakening: Well, that certainly wasn’t Cats.

–O’Neill Theater

Overheard by: sjp

Girl on cell: Wait, she quit her job to come see the show?

–Rush line for Spring Awakening

Overheard by: hope she gets tickets

Blue-haired person to another: I didn’t care for it, but the Asians will love it!

—Sweet Charity showing, Al Hirschfeld Theatre

Overheard by: Robert

Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Flicker Pictures

Guy to L. Ron Hub-tards: So, if I sign up with you, how long do I have to offer people stress tests before I become a movie star?

–Union Square

Gangsta teen: Yeah, A Clockwork Orange. You seen that shit? They taped his eyes open and made him watch rapes and shit. I would have ripped that shit off my eyes, man — fuck that. I’d blink my motherfucking eyes regardless.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I do, too

Hipster: Actually, I don’t watch movies. I watch films.

–The Village

Blonde: Wasn’t Newsies a documentary?

–Deluxe, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: McFreaky

Queer on cell: So, it’s not just like one of those regular bestiality films…

–E 9th & 1st

Movie buff: Yeah, I thought Seabiscuit was a good movie until I realized it was about a horse.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: pokemaul2k4

Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted Boys to Like Them

Lady bus driver on cell: Tell everybody in Intelligence they can all get their dicks sucked.

–West-bound crosstown bus,14th St

Overheard by: Kate

Man on cell: Having your dick sucked poorly for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck your girlfriend can be fun in moderation, but after a while it just gets old.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Still laughing

Guy with chick: All I know is I have two finals, she’ll give me a blowjob to relax me, and I’ll go home and take a nap.

–A train

Woman on phone: So, I was given 30 minutes for pizza, right? And I leave my office, look over, and she is sucking his fucking dick.

–Target

Overheard by: Jooshua

Hipster: Yeah, like five tranny vampires sucked my dick within 10 minutes of walking into that place.

–Beauty bar

Straight guy: Yeah, I think I’d suck Jabba the Hut’s dick.

–Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Karin

Wednesday One-Liners Comix and Stories

Ghetto guy: It’s a bird; it’s a plane; it’s Super Vagina!

–Prince & Mercer

Overheard by: office peon

Little boy to dad: I have a secret identity.

–116th & Broadway

Hobo: Did you know Batman and Robin are in the Bible? Yeah, gays in there — they were so busy being gay that the blacks wrote the Bible… And by the way, you can find O.J. Simpson in there, too.

–40 bus, Bronx

Woman on cell: What I was thinking was Spider-Man would show up for just one hour, and he’d officiate the wedding.

–Joralemon St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: jill

Lawyer on cell: I have so many arch-nemeses…

–Law firm lobby, Midtown

Overheard by: I hope I’m not one of them

The White Devil’s Wednesday One-Liners

Newscaster to cameraman: Come on, can’t we get some fucking white people to interview? [White suit approaches.] Hi, do you have a minute?

–Fulton & Gold

Overheard by: Floored

14-year-old girl to friend: Yo, my momma was like, ‘We gotta go over to Peter Lugar’s to pick up some white niggas with chizzz-ash!’

–S 3rd St, Williamsburg

White guy to buddy: I have this thing for girls who look like white girls, but actually…

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: NCS

Dude: Journey is like crack for white people.

–Metropolitan Championship Regatta

Queer black guy on cell: Girl, just stop! That is not your job… No, if she’s such a delicate white woman that she can’t be bothered to take care of her own child, then she can’t be mad if you lose her in the park… No, that’s not your job.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: mark

Ghetto chick: You eat those Fritos like a white girl.

–Prominade, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: David in Dumbo

Southern tourist to wifey: You know, people in New York are so many different shades… White people, I mean.

–Q train, 34th St

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist