Greyhound driver, on rest stop time limits: I’m not supposed to lose people along the way… but I do.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Lost

Bus driver: I’m movin’, I’m movin’! Jesus, all these people are in a hurry to go nowhere. They’re just going to go home and watch TV! That’s all New Yorkers do, is go home and watch TV!

–Gray Line downtown loop bus

Overheard by: keri

Bus driver: If your child is over 36 inches tall, you must pay full fare for him. If you are more than 30 years old, live with your parents, and don’t pay rent, you must pay for everyone else on the bus. Next stop: Brooklyn Hospital.

–B38 bus

Overheard by: Nathan

Bus driver: If it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all.

–M31 bus

Overheard by: Suze V.

Commuter bus driver: Attention riders: we are now arriving at Port Authority. To the students who ride this bus, you must show your ID. If you do not want to, that is no problem — find another way into New York City. Everyone, please gather your belongings, and have a nice day.

–Port Authority

Bus driver: This is the bus to Long Island Jewish Hospital. That will be the last stop. We aren’t there yet. For those of you who are going there, sit back and relax and I’ll alert you when we’ve reached the pearly gates of Long Island Jewish.

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: SuziQ

Bus driver: Good morning, everyone. Today’s my first day… my first day, y’all! And guess what happens in eleven years? I will retire. That’s right: retire. There’s all the big guys meeting at the UN this morning, so traffic’s crazy. Please, folks, be nice to me. I’m just drivin’ my bus. Is anyone late for work? Well, I sure am twenty minutes late with my bus. Ah, one person late. Come on up here and I’ll get you a cab… I said get you a cab, not pay for one!

–M4 bus