Guy: Dude, look at their Board of Health certificate on the wall there. It’s brown. No, it’s dirty!
Girl: Oh my God, that’s so filthy. What’s that on top there? [walks over] Jesus Christ, it’s a cockroach!
–Chinese restaurant, Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lunch Special
Girl #1: Does anyone have Purell?
Friends: No
Girl #1: Purell? Anyone?
Girl #2: There’s a bathroom right there!
Girl #1: I want to clean my hands.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Adina C
White girl: Since I quit, I have been blowing out the biggest boogers in the mornings.
Black guy: Boogers? I been blowin’ moons. Like the moons of Jupiter.
–1 Train
Guy #1: And do you know what else he does?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: He puts perfume in his pubes.
Guy #2: Oh, you know, I read about that in an article.
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: Mya
Guy #1: He sucks, though I don’t want him working there with me.
Guy #2: Why does he suck? Is he slow at washing dishes or something?
Guy #1: Yeah, he takes forever. All I do is throw them in the water, skeet on ’em and put them in the drying rack.
–L train
Black guy: Man, nigga, you’re really dirty. I mean, you’re a slob, nigga. You’re…you’re a fucking Mexican.
–Union Square
Girl #1: Ew…what’s this spot on my pants?
Girl #2: Sperm?
Girl #1: God, I wish!
–Washington Square South
