Chick: This block is kinda difficult to walk.
Dude: I know. Watch out for the syringes, condoms, and shit.
–Lawton St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: Dodging the excrements of various objects
Chick: This block is kinda difficult to walk.
Dude: I know. Watch out for the syringes, condoms, and shit.
–Lawton St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: Dodging the excrements of various objects
Irate lady with luggage: This is a filthy town! Horrible!
–Penn Station
Guy on cell: You opened a cadaver today? Oh, shit, man — congrats! That’s so cool… I changed a nasty dirty diaper today.
–26th & 8th
Mother to sobbing young son: Honey, you can’t pet a stranger’s mink. You just can’t. Especially with dirty hands — that’s why she was mad at you.
–M3 bus, 45th & 5th
Blonde on cell, wearing mink coat: I have a couture mink coat, and I will not have those low-lifes getting their crappy filth all over it!
–Starbucks, Citigroup Center
Woman hurrying small boy along: Yes, that wall is filthy, don’t touch it. Everything you can see in this city is dirty.
–W 67th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Asian man: Look, if you’re gonna stab me at least use the clean knife.
–Applebee’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: explosivo
Woman on elliptical to woman on stationary bike: Justin made me take the subway today. I didn’t like it. I felt dirty.
–Equinox, Soho
Overheard by: jdm
Chick #1: Yeah, she threw up in her bed.
Chick #2: And then she walked around throwing up all over the room.
Guy: Well, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because it finally got her to wash her sheets.
–Houston & Broadway
Chick: Don’t eat that!
Guy: Why? What did you do to it?
Chick: Nothing! It’s just been all over the table!
Guy: [Silently eats it.]Chick: Oh my god. I’m never hooking up with you!
–Palladium Dining Hall, 14th & 4th
Overheard by: Emily
NYU chick: No, that can’t be true.
NYU dude: I’m dead serious — I couldn’t make that up!
NYU chick: So, you are honestly telling me that if you don’t wash your ball sack, you will grow cheese?
–10th St, between 5th Ave & University
Hipster girl: Would you say my hair is dirty-blonde or not?
Hipster guy: It looks clean to me.
Hipster girl: I didn’t mean the hair on my head.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Brown Carpet and Drapes
Hobo: I need you to stop here. I need to get off and wash my pants. There has been a sexual release in my pants!
–Lenox Ave bus
Headline by: Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s Why I Was Late” – chronically tardy
· “Bussed a Nut – Crosstown Excitement Goes A Block Too Far” – Matt G.
· “Dishonorable Discharge” – Jim C.
· “Economically and socially disenfranchized people say the darndest things” – Emma
· “MTA’s new “Request-a-Stop” and handjob feature” – Jobee
· “Marvin Gaye’s retarded half-brother” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “Meanwhile, at the auditions for ‘Speed III'” – shawn doney
· “Milton Misses Yet Another Meeting of Premature Ejaculators Anonymous” – Tom Ediger
· “Never ask a hobo if he’s coming or going.” – LadyP
· “Premature embarkation” – mdub
· “Second Thought, Let’s Go For Two” – Martin Frazee
· “Senator Foley just isn’t the same when he’s not IMing” – oye
· “The Man On The Bus Goes Rub, Rub, Ooops…” – Sam Nassar
· “Why the 6 is never on schedule” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Guy: I’m gonna go take a shower.
Girl #1: Yeah, I want to take a shower, too.
Girl #2: Oooh! Me, too!
Girl #1: Let’s take a joint shower!
–2 train
Overheard by: already showered
Coed #1, pointing at huge stain on her shirt: It’s coffee. I used water to rub it off, but the water made it all wet!
Coed #2: You should have used club soda!
–New School, 13th & 5th
Woman #1: I can’t wait to get to the hotel this weekend and have a hot bath in a clean tub.
Woman #2: What, you can’t use your own tub?
Woman #1: I wouldn’t sit in it. It’s filthy. I only take a bath in hotel bathtubs.
Woman #2: Surely your bathtub is cleaner than a hotel bath where thousands of strange butts have been.
Woman #1: You’ve never seen my tub!
–Steps, NY Public Library
Overheard by: Librarian
