Chick #1: Yeah, she threw up in her bed.
Chick #2: And then she walked around throwing up all over the room.
Guy: Well, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because it finally got her to wash her sheets.
–Houston & Broadway
Chick #1: Yeah, she threw up in her bed.
Chick #2: And then she walked around throwing up all over the room.
Guy: Well, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because it finally got her to wash her sheets.
–Houston & Broadway
Chick: Don’t eat that!
Guy: Why? What did you do to it?
Chick: Nothing! It’s just been all over the table!
Guy: [Silently eats it.]Chick: Oh my god. I’m never hooking up with you!
–Palladium Dining Hall, 14th & 4th
Overheard by: Emily
NYU chick: No, that can’t be true.
NYU dude: I’m dead serious — I couldn’t make that up!
NYU chick: So, you are honestly telling me that if you don’t wash your ball sack, you will grow cheese?
–10th St, between 5th Ave & University
Hipster girl: Would you say my hair is dirty-blonde or not?
Hipster guy: It looks clean to me.
Hipster girl: I didn’t mean the hair on my head.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Brown Carpet and Drapes
Hobo: I need you to stop here. I need to get off and wash my pants. There has been a sexual release in my pants!
–Lenox Ave bus
Headline by: Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s Why I Was Late” – chronically tardy
· “Bussed a Nut – Crosstown Excitement Goes A Block Too Far” – Matt G.
· “Dishonorable Discharge” – Jim C.
· “Economically and socially disenfranchized people say the darndest things” – Emma
· “MTA’s new “Request-a-Stop” and handjob feature” – Jobee
· “Marvin Gaye’s retarded half-brother” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “Meanwhile, at the auditions for ‘Speed III'” – shawn doney
· “Milton Misses Yet Another Meeting of Premature Ejaculators Anonymous” – Tom Ediger
· “Never ask a hobo if he’s coming or going.” – LadyP
· “Premature embarkation” – mdub
· “Second Thought, Let’s Go For Two” – Martin Frazee
· “Senator Foley just isn’t the same when he’s not IMing” – oye
· “The Man On The Bus Goes Rub, Rub, Ooops…” – Sam Nassar
· “Why the 6 is never on schedule” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Guy: I’m gonna go take a shower.
Girl #1: Yeah, I want to take a shower, too.
Girl #2: Oooh! Me, too!
Girl #1: Let’s take a joint shower!
–2 train
Overheard by: already showered
Coed #1, pointing at huge stain on her shirt: It’s coffee. I used water to rub it off, but the water made it all wet!
Coed #2: You should have used club soda!
–New School, 13th & 5th
Woman #1: I can’t wait to get to the hotel this weekend and have a hot bath in a clean tub.
Woman #2: What, you can’t use your own tub?
Woman #1: I wouldn’t sit in it. It’s filthy. I only take a bath in hotel bathtubs.
Woman #2: Surely your bathtub is cleaner than a hotel bath where thousands of strange butts have been.
Woman #1: You’ve never seen my tub!
–Steps, NY Public Library
Overheard by: Librarian
Teen guy on cell: Yeah, we should catch a movie. I gotta wash my balls first, though… No, that’s fine. We can go to a party, but I gotta wash my balls.
–Manhattan bound N train
Overheard by: Caryn
Headline by: Dustin
Runners-Up:
· “‘Cuz When I Party, I Go Balls Out!” – MYRock
· “…Just in Case There’s a Sack Race” – Rob
· “Can You Assist Me With the Blow Drying Process?” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “Cleanliness Is Next to the Perineum” – brazos
· “Fratboy Etiquette, in a Nutshell” – Hellespont
· “He Started Playing Billiards Just For the Double Entendres.” – j
· “How to Spot a Dedicated Golfer” – TJ
· “I Hate to Tell Him, But Crabs Isn’t Something You Can Just Wash Off…” – J.B.
· “In Case It’s a Boston Teabag Party” – slappy
· “OCDeez Nuts” – Courtney
· “Or Get a Dog and Some Peanut Butter” – Corydon
Girl #1: It’s not good to flush the toilet while you’re in the stall.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because then everything that’s in the toilet… jumps out.
Girl #2: Ewww.
–Ladies’ room, Columbia University
