Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.
–B train
Overheard by: LSB
Chick changing baby on bedding display: Do we need to buy this pillow now?
Hubby: Did he shit on it?
Chick: I don’t think.
Hubby, smelling pillow: S’all good.
Chick, holding dirty diaper and wipes: Where’s that shelf with the trash cans?
–Target, Queens
Headline by: Redneck Jedi
Runners-Up:
· “Mentioning Britney Spears Would Just Be Too Easy” – chelsea
· “Over There, Under the Security Cameras” – Katy
· “Over by That Sense Of Decency You Apparently Can’t Afford.” – Beryl
· “The New York Native Living Off The Land” – harris
· “Wait.. for the Baby or the Diaper..?” – Mike N.
· “Where Do They Think They Are? WalMart?” – Bill
NYU drama queen #1: I mean, we’re smearing pollen all over him… It’s going to be sticky.
NYU drama queen #2: What are we using for that?
NYU drama queen #1: Corn starch. We were going to use Tang, but that would stain everything…
–E 9th & Ave A
Overheard by: Bailey
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Chick #1: What right did he have to touch me?!
Chick #2: None! Fucking pervert.
Chick #1: I don’t understand… Was the ‘Fuck off’ sign on my forehead not enough for him? … God, is there a bathroom around here? I really need to wash my hands now.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Amused
Tourist hubby to wifey who jumped up from taking a seat: What happened?
Tourist woman, disgusted: I just saw some dirt!
–4 train
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Roommate #1 scrubbing carpet: Do you think I’m making this look worse?
Roommate #2: I think the only way you could make it look worse is by throwing up on it again…
–Fordham University dorm
Overheard by: Raquel A
Chick: This block is kinda difficult to walk.
Dude: I know. Watch out for the syringes, condoms, and shit.
–Lawton St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: Dodging the excrements of various objects
Irate lady with luggage: This is a filthy town! Horrible!
–Penn Station
Guy on cell: You opened a cadaver today? Oh, shit, man — congrats! That’s so cool… I changed a nasty dirty diaper today.
–26th & 8th
Mother to sobbing young son: Honey, you can’t pet a stranger’s mink. You just can’t. Especially with dirty hands — that’s why she was mad at you.
–M3 bus, 45th & 5th
Blonde on cell, wearing mink coat: I have a couture mink coat, and I will not have those low-lifes getting their crappy filth all over it!
–Starbucks, Citigroup Center
Woman hurrying small boy along: Yes, that wall is filthy, don’t touch it. Everything you can see in this city is dirty.
–W 67th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Asian man: Look, if you’re gonna stab me at least use the clean knife.
–Applebee’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: explosivo
Woman on elliptical to woman on stationary bike: Justin made me take the subway today. I didn’t like it. I felt dirty.
–Equinox, Soho
Overheard by: jdm
