Food

Exhausted executive: Woman, I am telling you — it is Friday, and what I’m saying to you is, all I need is some alcohol and some stuffed mushrooms. Do you hear me?

–Grand Central

Old lady, screaming: It’s not the quiche, Harry, it’s the whole seven years!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Rowanhood

Creepster: I’d like to spread Jessica Fletcher and Rose Nylund on a cracker and down ’em with a shot of Ensure!

–81st & Madison

Man: I don’t trust upstate food anymore.

–Cab line, JFK

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Budding entrepreneur: You mean, I can copyright the sandwiches I make? Put them in an envelope and mail them to myself?

–Stanton & Attorney

Freshman girl #1: Yeah, I’m totally getting into this whole finals mentality thing, you know?
Freshman girl #2: Yeah, and then all the holidays with good food are coming up…
Freshman girl #3: Oh, yeah, like Christmas with cookies and Hanukkah with gelt…
Freshman girl #2: Wait, what did you just say?
Freshman girl #3: Gelt?
Freshman girl #2: What about Kwanzaa?
Freshman girl #3: Um… I mean, I don’t really know what they eat…
Freshman girl #2: Nuts and berries, right?

–Barnard College

Drunk boyfriend at party: Babe, get me some chicken on a stick.
Annoyed girlfriend: Get it yourself.
Drunk boyfriend: But I might make a mess and embarrass you…
Annoyed girlfriend: I don’t care anymore.
Girl passerby, handing him chicken on a stick: Here, have some chicken!
Annoyed girlfriend: Maybe you should date her.
Male passerby: Yeah, she seems like a keeper.

–Gibson Studios, W 54th, between 9th & 10th

Man on cell: I’m on my way to Outback Steakhouse! No one knows I go there.

–E 13th & 5th

Mom to teen daughter: This is a very interesting place. It kind of has a European feel.

–Au Bon Pain, 8th St

Pixie-hipster girl: Yeah, y’know, I haven’t done much since I moved here. I’ve mostly been walking around the village eating at vegan restaurants.

–Rocks Off Concert Cruise

Loud chick on cell: You know I don’t believe in going to chains in New York…

–Cosi, 77th & Broadway

Overheard by: me neither

Chubs: Restaurant week is like Hanukkah for us fatties!

–Little West 12th & 9th

Overheard by: j9

Customer: Hi, I’d like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We’re out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there’s no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there’s no roast beef.

–Broadway & Exchange

Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!

–59th & Columbus

Woman, about guy in giant pirate hat: Maybe he works in a seafood restaurant… It’s that or his mom didn’t love him enough.

–Ditmars stop, N train

Overheard by: fan of the hat

Woman to friend: I don’t deserve to have ACS called on me! I’m a good mom! Sort of.

–Astoria Park Track, Astoria

Overheard by: Bridgettttttt

Loud man on cell: Can you hear me? Your mother! Can you hear me now? No? Your mother!

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Loud and Clear

Large black lady running down crowded street: My mama didn’t raise me right!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: anna

Man to friend: I wonder if that dingleberry fell out of my ass yet.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: #2

Drunk guy: Yeah, I’d pick corn out of your shit to have sex with you.

–5th & Ave B

Fourth grade boy #1: I love to be eatin’ the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. It be tastin’ mad salty! [Friend smiles and nods in agreement.]

–Classroom, 106th & 1st

Little kid, screaming: Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose!

–JFK

Overheard by: Ladle

Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: cole

Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.

–Media Productions class, City College

Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!

–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island

Overheard by: Alie

Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!

–Houston & Laffayette

Overheard by: Jake

Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?

–56th & 5th

Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having

Puerto Rican girl: Yo, stop starin’.
Puerto Rican guy: Bitch, I gotta feed my eyes!

–3rd & 2nd

Overheard by: jharris