Insults

Drama queen, looking at watch: I hope you’re happy. We missed our train.
Stressed mother: Okay, okay… Let’s just look at the board and see when the next train into Stamford IS.
Drama queen: Mo-ooom…
Stressed mother: Listen, Bethany, I can’t help it if the cab driver couldn’t speak English and took us to the wrong place.
Drama queen: I think we both know that we’re late because you’re a fatass and had to stop at Starbucks.
Stressed mother: Bethany, enough.
Drama queen: Mom, I am a child model. I make more money than you do, and I could probably figure out the damn train if you’d let me.
Stressed mother: Enough.
Drama queen: If we don’t get back to Vermont by nine o’clock tonight, I’m never speaking to you again.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Christine

Girl with big hair: It was absolutely crazy.
Friend: I bet it was.
Girl with big hair: It was so messed up. Seriously, it was totally banana-whacked.
Friend: She’s banana-whacked. She’s a banana-whacked slut.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Juliet

Guy: Happy New Year’s, ladies!
Girl #1: Yeah, you too.
Guy: Your face is funny!
Girl #2: What? Fuck you!
Guy: I said, the face you made is funny!
Girl #2: Oh…
Guy: Butt-munch!

–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint

Girl #1: She’s a neo-con Barbie doll! She’s worse than Ann Coulter.
Girl #2: Not possible.
Girl #1: No, really.
Girl #2: So she’s Dick Cheney with boobs?

–Mercer & Grand

Girl #1: No, no, no. That girl is just plain ugly. [Girl #1 falls flat on her face.]Girl #2: Ummm… sorry. I don’t want to be a bitch, but I think that’s what they call karma.

–Columbia University

Middle-aged man with suitcases: So, where’s the airport, honey?
Russian chick: Oh my god. Oh my god.
Middle-aged wife: What? Newark Airport?
Russian chick: This isn’t the airport, slut!

–Port Authority

Angry kid: Man, I’m tired of seeing that naked white fag with the guitar all the time.
Friend: Your dad?
Angry kid: No, you dumb fuck! That freak over there — he’s in postcards and shit. He’s like a celebrity, kinda.
Friend: I think that’s your dad…
Angry kid: Fuck you, ho.

–TKTS station, Times Square

Old man: I may be one of the richest men in the world, but everyone thinks I’m an idiot.
Arm candy: Oh, no! You’re not an idiot. You’re an idiot savant!

–Maloney & Porcelli, 50th St

Overheard by: Jon G.

Little boy: If you fell down and I saved you, would you love me?
Little girl: Nigga, please — I don’t want yo’ dirty-ass hands touchin’ my dress.

–B train

Overheard by: LSB

Clerk: Ma’am, you did not order an onion bagel.
Biotech: Yes, I did. You’re wrong.
Clerk: Let me read back your order. [Does so.]Biotech: Look, I said you’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re ugly!

–875 3rd Ave